Spiceroads: The Movie
The Cast of Characters (names have not been changed to protect the innocent)
Me – Intrepid explorer extraordinaire, snake wine drinker and fried locust gourmand. Hikes faster than she cycles.
Damian – Our handsome, brave and Fearless Leader with an unhealthy fascination for groups of ducks and an inability to win at cards. Addicted to Choco Pies.
Steve –Saga Lout 1, Official Trip Entertainer with ability to talk to anyone and everyone, regularly found charming birds from trees (or fluffy silver crown pens from Vietnamese girls on ferries). In-bus audio expert specializing in makeshift karoake systems and iPod stickage solutions. Also Unofficial Trip Counseller with great discount rates available (see Daniella for pricing details).
Clint – Saga Lout 2, smooth as silk and the epitome of cycling style with That Shirt; has been known on occasion to negotiate for discounts for massages and manicures due to missing body parts.
Nico – 6’4” giant of a guy with unmatched bike balancing skills; also doubles as a human karoke machine (often in close harmony with Our Fearless Leader). Often also to be found engaging in insane bets with OFL. Though Dutch, rumoured to really be Aussie.
Lenise – Nico’s other half who was prone to fits of hysterical giggles and whose strategic deployment of the Rambo theme tune proved to be extremely valuable on the road to Pailin. Veggie who has been known to enjoy a locust or two on occasion.
Amy – unfeasibly pretty and fit Aussie girl, fellow shutterbug with an enviably better camera than yours truly.
Marcus – other half of the Aussie dream team, also unfeasibly cute and fit with a very dry and laid-back sense of humour. Keeper of the mileometer. Possible long lost twin of OFL.
Roger (aka Shiva, Destroyer of Cameras) Quiet Swiss chap by day, world champion in-line skater by night.
Christa – ever elegant and enigmatic wife of Shiva, keeper of Roger’s ever-changing and extensive in-ride wardrobe. Noted preference for fried locusts over dragonfruit for dessert..
Martin – German chap with an inscrutable expression, only periodically dislodged by puzzlement at the mention of the word “gratuity”. Always on time for breakfast.
Tom – American Vietnam vet who got progressively more chilled out and loosened up as the trip progressed, culminating in a memorable discussion of his need for a dump at the Cambodian-Thai border. Genuinely nice guy who always seemed in search of an envelope.
Daniella – Swiss miss and fellow oenophile whose misery on the ride to Pailin gave me hope that I was not alone and that someone was having an even more sh*t time than me; insanely lucky at cards.