Sazz In The City: April 2013

A Perfect Paddle - Saturday Splashings in the City
Greetings, blog watchers! After one of those weeks at work where you long to be independently wealthy so you can just chuck it all in and go and run an olive oil and cheese shop somewhere (if there are any octagenarian billionaires out there with a dicky ticker who fancy sponsoring my little culinary fantasy, have at it), I was profoundly glad it was the weekend and very much looking forward to this morning's fun.

Yet again, my wonderful friends at Groupon supplied the discounted voucher (I'm trying to forget the op-ed article I read a couple of weeks ago about how Groupon is destroying small businesses and eroding customer service) - this time for a 2hr kayaking trip around McCovey Cove. My regulars will recognize McCovey cove as the scene of last year's International Duck Day adventures with the Duck Boat and the Not Unattractive Cap'n John, where the P of Double D and Mr & Mrs Potato Head and I took the amphibious automobile for a spin.

http://sazzinthecity.blogspot.com/2012/09/quacks-off-to-1st-international-duck.html

Coast Guard ready to spring into action....

McCovey Cove is also, very handily, right behind AT&T Ballpark and so a mere skipping stone's throw from my apartment. As you can imagine, during baseball season, the kayak tours behind the stadium are very popular, especially as there is always a chance, albeit very small, of someone hitting a home run quite literally out of the park, and into the cove behind!

Under beautiful blue skies, me and my
orange pointy boat set out, looking
for adventure

Anyway, no chance of such excitement today, as the Giants are away this week (check me out, knowing the baseball schedules!) but by the time I arrived for the start of my tour at 11am, the sun was shining, the sky was clear blue without a cloud in sight and it was an absolutely PERFECT day to mess about on the water for a couple of hours. And even more perfect as it took me less than 3 minutes to walk to City Kayak from my apartment - no stress, no parking, no problem! Consequently I was the first to arrive, so i got checked in, signed the inevitable waiver, then nipped to Red Java, the little dockside shack that sells breakfast and lunch, for a quick coffee and sat outside soaking up the sunshine while waiting for the other people to arrive.

By 11.10am, everyone had arrived - there were supposed to be 10 of us, but only 4 of us showed up, so it was a nice manageable group. Our guide gave us a brief lesson of how to paddle, fitted us up with life jackets and dry sacks to put our stuff in, and off we went!

Now THATS how you collect tips...

It was simply perfect. Our route was very straightforward - paddling out from the dock, round the corner by the sea wall, then just out across into McCovey cove, behind the ballpark, and across and down into Mission Creek. You couldn't go wrong or get lost, as Mission Creek dead-ended, so after you'd paddling all the way down, you simply turned round and came right on back.

I've done a bit of kayaking before, so I was very comfortable and not (much) worried about capsizing and drowning. So, it was lovely just to paddle away, feeling very Zen as you glided (or as Eddie would say "glidded") through the water, feeling the warmth of the sun on your face and your heart rate just a little elevated with the physical effort involved. It was fun to cruise past the ballpark, then down the into creek, enjoying the different perspective of all the buildings, the houseboats and occasional randomness that makes San Francisco the quirky, weird and charming city that I love. Here are some pics from the morning - enjoy!

View of my apartment complex
from the marina

AT&T Ballpark

About to go under a big scary, low
bridge - DUCK!

Phew. Not a troll in sight

Houseboats along Mission Creek.
And yes, that is a giant swan.

Unbeknownst to many, MI6 has quietly relocated to SF

Well, of COURSE you'd expect to see a giant floating
spaceship on a paddle trip around the Bay

The inspiration for the lesser known ballet, Swan Creek

Fancy-pants house boat

Bad puns are alive and well in the boating community

Its just like a house! But on the water!!

The Architect obviously had a set of Rolling
Rulers when he designed this house

Houseboat Alley, with AT&T Park in the background

I think the seagull may be a bit confused...
"Mummy - is that you?"

Yeah!! I came, I saw, I paddled.
And didn't fall in.

Showing off my advanced Patent Pending "jazz hands" paddling technique

About to get our Piggy on!

Princesses of Pork!
OK, that's probably not my best title ever (how about Kings of Cochon or Brigadiers of Bacon?) but it was that time of year again, and my co-partner in piggy crime, Sarah and I were about to immerse ourselves in the lard-crazy fest that is Cochon 555!

So, in my books, the definition of a tradition is having done the same thing more than once, and last year Sarah & I had had an absolute blast at the same event, held at the Fairmont Hotel. We'd indulged ourselves and bought the VIP package, which meant that we'd gain access to the main tasting room a full hour ahead of the hoi-polloi. OMG. It was amazing. The food was absolutely divine, including offerings from 5 of the Bay area's finest chefs & restaurants, including Traci des Jardins from Jardineire, as well as Sons and Daughters. The other AWESOME thing about the event was the hilarious photobooth that they had stationed outside the main event hall. Because Sarah & I had turned up quite a way ahead of the doors opening (we take our piggy very seriously and didnt want to miss a single moment) we had plenty of time to goof about with all the props and nonsense! Here are some of the pics from last year - and we were completely sober when these were taken!!

This year, our plan of attack was exactly the same, as per our freshly-minted tradition. We'd (again) indulged in buying the VIP tickets as it had got pretty packed once general admission started last year. Just to give you a better sense of what we were expecting, here's the description from the Cochon 555 website:

COCHON 555 – five chefs, five pigs, five winemakers, five years! Do not miss it when this one-of-a-kind traveling culinary competition and tasting event comes home and marks a culinary milestone with its 5th Anniversary Tour. Created to promote a national conversation around the sustainable farming of heritage-breed pigs, each event challenges five local chefs to prepare a menu from the entirety of one 200 pound family-raised heritage breed of pig, nose-to-tail. Twenty judges (culinary luminaries) and 400 guests help decide the winning chef by voting on the "best bite of the day". The winner will be crowned the Prince of Porc and will compete at Grand Cochon event at the FOOD & WINE Classic in Aspen on Sunday, June 16.

New additions to the events in 2013 include the launch of an exciting cocktail competition called "Punch Kings" featuring Breckenridge Bourbon, prepared by [6] local bartenders (still room to signup on the link above), plus the new TarTare Bar round out the exclusive VIP hour. All attendees enjoy butcher demonstrations, sustainable oysters, creative pork dishes from all the chefs, a visit to the Manhattan Bar or new Chupito Bar featuring Mezcals, plus the infamous Cheese Bar saw bold enhancements, ice-cold brew from Anchor Brewing, pork-spiked desserts and cold-brewed coffee will close out the evening.

The COCHON 555 event is 100% inclusive and always on Sunday.

Sounded GREAT, right?

Ah.... the pressures of expectation. Sarah & I had been sooo looking forward to this event that maybe it was never going to live up to the original experience, but I have to say that we were both profoundly disappointed this year. Instead of it being a celebratory symphony of everything pig, it was a discordant mishmash of sloppy, lazy cooking with very little of the creativity that had been in abundance the year before. The finesse of flavors and diversity of offerings we'd so enjoyed last year (hay consommé, anyone?) was just absent. The offering that came closest was the plate of food from the Four Seasons chef - and the pork and beans was simply divine. Unfortunately, that was about the best bite of the night.

There was no photobooth either. In keeping with our Tradition, Sarah had worn the same dress as last year (I'd worn the most similar looking outfit that I can fit into at the moment!) and we'd been really looking forward to recreating the photo craziness that we'd had a blast with, the year before. Alas, it was not to be. Instead, there were a few vendors looking to sell you t-shirts or free flight raffles (or phone numbers, Ms. Little), and there was an artist with little watercolors that were included in the ticket price (although - unless you were a judge - you couldnt pick one with a pig in it - go figure). But nothing FUN like last year. We were gutted.

The other thing that seemed different this year was the proliferation of whiskey vendors (I can't stand whiskey, irrespective of how you spell it) vs vineyards. I know the blurb says 5 winemakers, but i'm sure there were more of them last year. What about a nice gin and tonic vendor instead, please? Hmm??

Pork crackling - yummy but obviously very greasy

The other thing that i don't recall from last year was the obnoxiously loud music that was thumping out across the whole room. I think there must have been some background music last year, but it certainly wasn't as intrusive as the painfully loud dance beats that made it almost impossible to have a conversation. I felt that alone cheapened the whole atmosphere from being one of whose soundtrack had been of 400 people's excited porky babbling to that of some trashy nightclub.

At one point, the music got cranked up so loud, the poor folk working the whisky station complained that they wouldn't continue unless it got turned down, as the speakers were right behind their tables. We went and found the Young Person With a Clipboard who ostensibly appeared to be vaguely in charge of the event logistics and shouted over the volume to turn it the hell down and, eventually, 20mins or so later, the music was reset at a slightly less offensive volume, but- by that stage - the damage had been done and Sarah and I were both pretty much done with the whole thing. We'd eaten all the food we'd wanted to eat, tasted all the wine there was to taste, availed ourselves of the fake tattoos from the Elk Vineyards and collected our free goodie bags with not much of much interest in them. So, less than 2 hours after we arrived, we decided we'd had enough and instead, decided to finish off our Sunday afternoon/evening out in true style.

Champagne at The St. Regis it was, then. Cochon 555 - you'd better step it up for next year, otherwise these two VIPs will go git their bacon on elsewhere..... you have been warned......