About to get our Piggy on!

Princesses of Pork!  
OK, that's probably not my best title ever (how about Kings of Cochon or Brigadiers of Bacon?) but it was that time of year again, and my co-partner in piggy crime, Sarah and I were about to immerse ourselves in the lard-crazy fest that is Cochon 555!

So, in my books, the definition of a tradition is having done the same thing more than once, and last year Sarah & I had had an absolute blast at the same event, held at the Fairmont Hotel.  We'd indulged ourselves and bought the VIP package, which meant that we'd gain access to the main tasting room a full hour ahead of the hoi-polloi.  OMG.  It was amazing.  The food was absolutely divine, including offerings from 5 of the Bay area's finest chefs & restaurants, including Traci des Jardins from Jardineire, as well as Sons and Daughters.  The other AWESOME thing about the event was the hilarious photobooth that they had stationed outside the main event hall.  Because Sarah & I had turned up quite a way ahead of the doors opening (we take our piggy very seriously and didnt want to miss a single moment) we had plenty of time to goof about with all the props and nonsense!  Here are some of the pics from last year - and we were completely sober when these were taken!!

This year, our plan of attack was exactly the same, as per our freshly-minted tradition.  We'd (again) indulged in buying the VIP tickets as it had got pretty packed once general admission started last year.   Just to give you a better sense of what we were expecting, here's the description from the Cochon 555 website:

COCHON 555 – five chefs, five pigs, five winemakers, five years! Do not miss it when this one-of-a-kind traveling culinary competition and tasting event comes home and marks a culinary milestone with its 5th Anniversary Tour. Created to promote a national conversation around the sustainable farming of heritage-breed pigs, each event challenges five local chefs to prepare a menu from the entirety of one 200 pound family-raised heritage breed of pig, nose-to-tail. Twenty judges (culinary luminaries) and 400 guests help decide the winning chef by voting on the "best bite of the day". The winner will be crowned the Prince of Porc and will compete at Grand Cochon event at the FOOD & WINE Classic in Aspen on Sunday, June 16.

New additions to the events in 2013 include the launch of an exciting cocktail competition called "Punch Kings" featuring Breckenridge Bourbon, prepared by [6] local bartenders (still room to signup on the link above), plus the new TarTare Bar round out the exclusive VIP hour. All attendees enjoy butcher demonstrations, sustainable oysters, creative pork dishes from all the chefs, a visit to the Manhattan Bar or new Chupito Bar featuring Mezcals, plus the infamous Cheese Bar saw bold enhancements, ice-cold brew from Anchor Brewing, pork-spiked desserts and cold-brewed coffee will close out the evening.

The COCHON 555 event is 100% inclusive and always on Sunday.

Sounded GREAT, right?

Ah.... the pressures of expectation.  Sarah & I had been sooo looking forward to this event that maybe it was never going to live up to the original experience, but I have to say that we were both profoundly disappointed this year.  Instead of it being a celebratory symphony of everything pig, it was a discordant mishmash of sloppy, lazy cooking with very little of the creativity that had been in abundance the year before.  The finesse of flavors and diversity of offerings we'd so enjoyed last year (hay consommé, anyone?) was just absent.  The offering that came closest was the plate of food from the Four Seasons chef - and the pork and beans was simply divine.  Unfortunately, that was about the best bite of the night.

There was no photobooth either.  In keeping with our Tradition, Sarah had worn the same dress as last year (I'd worn the most similar looking outfit that I can fit into at the moment!) and we'd been really looking forward to recreating the photo craziness that we'd had a blast with, the year before.  Alas, it was not to be.  Instead, there were a few vendors looking to sell you t-shirts or free flight raffles (or phone numbers, Ms. Little), and there was an artist with little watercolors that were included in the ticket price (although - unless you were a judge - you couldnt pick one with a pig in it - go figure).  But nothing FUN like last year.  We were gutted.

The other thing that seemed different this year was the proliferation of whiskey vendors (I can't stand whiskey, irrespective of how you spell it) vs vineyards.  I know the blurb says 5 winemakers, but i'm sure there were more of them last year.   What about a nice gin and tonic vendor instead, please?  Hmm??

Pork crackling - yummy but obviously very greasy

The other thing that i don't recall from last year was the obnoxiously loud music that was thumping out across the whole room.  I think there must have been some background music last year, but it certainly wasn't as intrusive as the painfully loud dance beats that made it almost impossible to have a conversation.  I felt that alone cheapened the whole atmosphere from being one of whose soundtrack had been of 400 people's excited porky babbling to that of some trashy nightclub.

At one point, the music got cranked up so loud, the poor folk working the whisky station complained that they wouldn't continue unless it got turned down, as the speakers were right behind their tables.  We went and found the Young Person With a Clipboard who ostensibly appeared to be vaguely in charge of the event logistics and shouted over the volume to turn it the hell down and, eventually, 20mins or so later, the music was reset at a slightly less offensive volume, but- by that stage - the damage had been done and Sarah and I were both pretty much done with the whole thing.   We'd eaten all the food we'd wanted to eat, tasted all the wine there was to taste, availed ourselves of the fake tattoos from the Elk Vineyards and collected our free goodie bags with not much of much interest in them.  So, less than 2 hours after we arrived, we decided we'd had enough and instead, decided to finish off our Sunday afternoon/evening out in true style.

Champagne at The St. Regis it was, then.  Cochon 555 - you'd better step it up for next year, otherwise these two VIPs will go git their bacon on elsewhere..... you have been warned......

One of the chefs outside the main hall getting ready for service

Sometimes more doesn't necessarily
 equate to better

Come on now, a big lumping sandwich??

Best food of the night - menu
from the Four Seasons

The best plate of food of the night by
the chef at the Four Seasons

Looked great, tasted rubbish

Urine analysis to check for unsafe levels of
 pork metabolites in pee*

Big greasy lump of sausage.  Really, top chefs of Bay Area -
 this is the best you could come up with??

Sarah bravely "going in" 

Yes.  Bacon in a jar. 

Vegetarian readers look away now.
What?  Too late?  Oh... sorry...

Why, hello!  Pinky and porky and perky in perfect harmony.

Fellow baconeers.  Plus one guy smuggling in
a bacon-lovin' squirrel on his face.

Again, proving the incontrollable urge to mug
 for any passing camera

The butchery demonstration reaching its exciting climax

On loan from The Godfather
 (or was that a horse's head?)

Get a room!!!

Sarah proudly displaying her fake tattoo
from Elk Cove vineyards

Also completely impossible to get off in the shower!

Man with lots of wine....

...who instantly became known
 as our Buty call

Underwhelm me
Completely deafen me
Disappoint me

Making a silk purse out of a pig's ear
of an event.  A little refinement
to finish out our afternoon in style.

*not true - it was actually a cheese-scooping device.