One Too Many Sarah's..... 

OK - so i'm going to stray from my usual topics of tomato-chucking, terrarium constructing and the blowing of impossibly fragile holiday ornaments and just give you a quick peek into why I'm not in any massive hurry to jump back into the murky depths of the dating pool.  I've been taking a very welcome break from dating since late February this year (for reasons i won't bore you with - this is not a dating blog!) but have been mildly toying with the idea of "getting back out there" or, at the very least, engaging in some social interactions that don't involve me being dressed as a large green gecko.  So, one day after work a few weeks back, I went to an Oxford/Cambridge alumni drinks social at this fab little art gallery called 111 Minna.  It was a stone's throw from the office and I figured what the hell?  I might meet some cool new people, I might not, but at least i was out and about being sociable.  As it happens, it was a fun evening and i actually met up with a couple I knew from New York and - the last time I'd seen them - it had been at their wedding!  So, very small world and it was great to connect with them again and catch up on all they'd been up to.  

I then met this very nice chap who was charming, intelligent, very charismatic and very easy on the eye.  He (like about 90% of the guys in that gallery) was involved in his own internet start-up company and we really hit it off.  I'd met him as I was on my way out (i had heels on for a change and my feet were hurting), so we chatted and flirted for a little while before I said that i was heading out and that it had been great to meet him.  As I'd hoped, he asked me for my number and email address (which I gave him) and he then invited me to join him and some of his friends for dinner on Friday night, as he was having a "going-away" party (he was only moving 5 miles away, so it was purely an excuse for a party, but I've had parties on much thinner premises....).  I thanked him for his invitation,  said that I'd already got plans for earlier that evening (which was true - he didn't need to know it was a Doctor Who nerdfest meet-up group) but that I might stop by later for drinks afterwards, if it wasn't too late.    

So, for the ladies reading this - this invite was proffered on a Wednesday evening.   Any blokes reading this, you can skip these details (or in fact this whole post) as you probably have no idea why that piece of information means anything.

Anyway, I walked home energized by the connection and remembered previous walks home after fun dates - its the mixture of nonchalence, interest, tempered excitement and curiosity that makes it such an enjoyable sensation.  Waking up the next morning, i was pleased to see that he'd sent me an email later than night (subject line cutely titled #justmet), around 1am, to say how much he'd enjoyed meeting me and that he hoped I could join them for dinner on Friday night.

So here's where it gets interesting/annoying.  After years of dating in Manhattan, I have pretty finely tuned sensors for potential dating disasters, douche-bags and mishaps.  Sometimes they are completely off (hence the current dating embargo) but usually I can sniff a rat a mile off.  So, in this case, seeing as the invite was offered as part of a group dinner, not as an individual date, I decided not to go (even though I'd actually bagged out on the Whovian's cos I was knackered - and you need all your faculties for an evening out with that crowd, believe me!) and instead see if my regrets would trigger an invite for a date instead.  Though we'd hit it off the night we met, I wasn't certain if that was genuine or not and - as all us girls know - the best way to test that out is to make the guy go to a little bit of effort.  No real surprise in that being the fastest, time-honored way to weed out the scuzbuckets from the nice guys.  

In this case, my sensors were bang on.  Here are the text messages that ensued....

Me (sent 7pm Friday evening): Hi there!  Sorry won't be able to join you tonight - hope you have a great night and a good send-off for the wilds of Daly City!  Sarah

*NO REPLY FRIDAY*

*RADIO SILENCE ALL SATURDAY*

*RADIO SILENCE SUNDAY AM*

Him (1pm Sunday afternoon):  Hey thanks! But who is this?

Me (taken aback):  Wow.  Err...This is Sarah who you met on Weds and invited to join your dinner.  Was being polite in letting u know I couldn't make it.  #forgottenalready?  Nonetheless, hope u had a great time.  Sarah.

Him:  Oh hey Sarah!  Nope, just there was another Sarah who came, and wasn't sure which one you were!  Sorry you couldn't make it - you up to join us for Burning Man Decompression next weekend?

Me (even more incredulous):  Thanks, but if you can't tell me apart from someone else, it sounds as if you have too many Sarah's in your life already, so I'll pass, thank you.  Maybe see you at a future Alumni event.  Best, Sarah (the British one)

Him (confirmatory 100% douchebag response):  Was just a brain freeze, Sarah.  You made an impression.  See you around.

I think one of the most ironic things about this little short-lived encounter is that the internet start-up company that the guy has founded and is trying to get established, is based on the premise of connecting people and building communities.  For all his high-minded words on his blog (yes, i did Google him and check him out online - who doesn't these days?) about the power of connections and networks and faith and community, the overriding impression he left me with was that he was more concerned with "collecting" people as objects.  To surround himself with acolytes, to value their worth in terms of mere numbers and the size of room that could be filled rather than in terms of the value of those individual relationships.  I believe true community is built upon having people in your life that mean something to you, not with people whose names you can't remember or who you can't even distinguish one from another.  

Because - at least for me - what is the point of community without friendship?