Chutneyliscious Remix!  At large and up to mischief....

Ahhh....what a fantastic day!  So, today's fun and adventures involved a wee Scottish lassie, a lot of very tasty chutney, some ladies in tighter pants than should have been allowed plus some cool tunes and hot dancing.  Oh yes.  It was Sunday and the Chutney Index was off the charts as I had very happily volunteered to help my Ferry-Building Champagne Buddy, Alison, out at a chutney tasting at a charity event.  If you haven't tried Alison's chutneys yet, go online right this second and order yourself AT LEAST a case of her fig and ginger chutney.  http://www.mcquadechutneys.com/purchase.html   Its absolutely delicious ("its good on a cheese plate") and I think it tastes like Christmas in a jar.  YUM YUM YUM!!


*PAUSE*


Well, did you order some yet?

NO?

What you waiting for?  Go on, go get yer chutney on.


*PAUSE*


OK.  Good.  That one was a great choice.  Right, now you are back and fully chutney-ed up, lets proceed...

Alternate Chutney Smackdown

at Firehouse 8

So the event was called "Polo in the Park" and was being held at the Bercut Equitation Field in Golden Gate Park.  Which apparently my OnStar navigation system translated into sending us to a radio music festival being held elsewhere in the park ("umm...they don't look much like polo people unless its got way more casual than I remember it...").  Alison had been having quite the morning before I met her in town, with a gazillion friends coming in to visit as well as having to get organized for another chutney tasting on at the same time as our Polo Fest.   Another friend of hers was doing that tasting for her, this one at this newly renovated old firehouse (called Firehouse 8) which is a very cool space.  So we dropped off the chutneys, bread, cheese and other assorted bits and bobs that she'd need, said hello to the owner before then heading over to try and find the Polo.  After our false start, we did manage to find it in the end, so we unloaded the stuff and Alison went to go set up whilst I found somewhere to park the car and not get myself lost.

Now, as with Opera, I consider myself a true Polo aficionado, on account of having been to precisely one game of polo before in my life, the Veuve Cliquot Gold Cup Challenge charity event, held on Governor's Island a couple of years ago.  Myself and a couple of friends had VIP tickets and the exciting buzz about the event was the fact that Prince Harry was playing, along with one of the most famous (and hottest) polo players around, a dashing chap called Nachos.  (or Doritos or something - I can't recall).  Anyhoo, unbeknownst to us at the start of that day, as we got all dressed up in our silk finery and delicate shoes, was that it was destined to be one of those 100 degree summer days in Manhattan and that - for all the champagne, picnic blankets and finger food the "VIP" ticket included in  its $200 price tag, it didn't include an iota of "shade".  And thus we found ourselves sitting out in the baking hot sun, trying to find some spare VC umbrellas to shelter under, as the sweat poured off of us and rehydrating with - you guessed it - unlimited Veuve Cliquot.  Needless to say, it did not end well.

Chap-less chaps on horseback.

Apparently.  I think I actually got sunstroke that day (as well, obviously as a crushing hangover to boot) but - I obviously hadn't completely lost all my faculties as I did manage to carry home both a magnum of Veuve Cliquot as well as a orange VC bucket that...umm.. somehow just fell into my bag.   I think it was included in the cost of my ticket anyway.

But I digress.  This event was - fortunately - sans 100 degree heat and unlimited libations, so all was good, so here's some info about the charity that the event was raising money for:

The James S. Brady Therapeutic Riding Program for children with special needs is the main beneficiary of Horses in California, Inc., a non-profit organization.  The "Brady Program" helps disabled and disadvantaged youths in the San Francisco Bay Area by offering horseman ship and horseback riding lessons as a physical or social therapy alternative.

Under the direction of personnel who have been certified and insured by the Equine Associated Growth and Learning Association, our program has helped over 200 mentally or physically challenged children. Our students suffer from autism, cerebral palsy, muscle weakness, sight and hearing impairment, learning disabilities, or social disorders. Each student participates in a specially designed program that is individually suited to his or her needs. Children learn anatomy, grooming, and riding and begin to develop friendships with the horses and other riders. We use specially trained therapy horses at weekly lessons in Bercut Field Golden Gate Park San Francisco.

Mobile horse blanket storage solution

So, all terribly worthy.  I just wish some horsey people didn't take themselves so damned seriously.  Most people were lovely and friendly but there were a couple of folks who were in danger of disappearing up their own (somewhat ample) backsides.  Perhaps its a lifetime of wearing such tight pants that makes them so uptight?  Or the need to always clench, so that your buttocks always appear firm and lifted in your jodphurs?  

I didn't ask.

"Roll up, roll up!!  Git yer delicious chutney here!" 

Anyway, we got all set up and down to business and I was learning the patter from Alison, in terms of what the chutneys go with, the different types and the ingredients.  And - of course - I got to taste them all too - bloody lovely.  I did manage to hold out for quite a while in not eating the non-Paleo compliant bread and cheese but, in the end, the lure of such comely comestibles was simply too great, and I succumbed to the holy trinity of chutney, cheese and bread.  One of my most favorite things to eat and - what I was eating when I truly fell in love with San Francisco, many years ago.  I think I was visiting for the first time, but I remember going to the Ferry Building, buying a lump of some fantastic cheese from Cowgirl Creamery, a loaf of some fruited nutty bread from Acme next door and then just sitting outside, round the back, in the late afternoon sunshine, gazing out over the Bay Bridge and watching the ferries rolling in and back out again.  It was one of those moments you remember, pure contentment coupled with a longing to call this place my home, that will always make that particular spot, with cheese and bread (and now the world's best chutney) as my gastronomic soundtrack, where I lost my heart to San Francisco.  *happy sigh*

The Wheel of Chutney Fortune

But I digress.  Again.  Anyway, while the charity event was for a worthy cause, unfortunately the size of the Equitation Field (?) was actually pretty tiny, so that there was really no space for the horses to get up any speed.  So, the Polo was rather tame, as there simply wasnt room for a proper sized game or field or even the usual number of players, so it was more like an exhibition of Polo, rather than a game per se.  A tasting sampler of polo, as it were.  Rather like our chutneys.  A delicious morsel leaving you wanting more.  But, everyone seemed to be making the best of it - some of the fashions were decidedly dodgy and there were radically fewer hats than there should have been.  This is polo, dammit!  Where are your hats, ladies??   I had an excuse because I was working so hard - Alison was quite the slave driver...

Nearing exhaustion....

In addition to the polo, there were a number of other ancillary events on to keep people amused, entertained and not participating in the silent auction.  There was a demonstration of riding side-saddle (it was very exciting) and, had I been paying attention, I might have been in danger of learning something.  There was also another riding exhibition by a couple of lovely Peruvian (I think) gentlemen demonstrating the art of riding gaited horses whilst carrying flags.  Bonus points if you know what a gaited horse is....   There was supposed to have been a hat competition, but i dont recall seeing one - either due to the absence of titfers* or that it was an incredibly quick competition and I blinked and missed it.  And - yes - a learning to folks out there looking to raise money from silent auctions - you know, you might have more luck in getting people to bid on things if the least expensive item you offer is actually less than $1,500!   Proof, if any were needed, that we were definitely not in a music festival, but the 4 items on offer ranged from $1,500 to $4,500!!  Umm...sure.  Why not?  Look here - it says the  Gallery Price for this exquisitely hand carved plastic elephant montage is actually $29,995 so a mere $4,500 is a bargain!!!  As you might expect, absolutely nobody signed up for anything - I actually felt a little bad for the girl who was manning the stand, as it were - I wonder what would have happened had someone actually made a bid for something?  I wonder if that has ever actually happened??

Silent...oh so silent.. auction... tumbleweeds an optional extra.

Pzzst!  As hot as a jar of McQuade's finest habanero...

As the afternoon progressed, we met a variety of interesting - and increasingly sh*tfaced - people.  One young guy in particular was hilarious - it was his birthday, he was full of himself and bravado ("I own a brewery in Sebastipol") but he was entertaining enough and fun to talk to - and drunk/high enough to believe Alison when she told him I was actually a famous photographer who'd photographed the Queen last week and the President just a couple of days previously.  It made a change from the other occupations Alison had been randomly assigning me in her other conversations with total strangers - I'd obviously had some great career advice at school because I'd become an undercover food critic (a la Ruth Reichl), a foot doctor, a journalist working for the local newspaper, a famous photographer, as well as a cocaine dealer from Columbia.  Obviously working in strategic planning for an advertising agency was considered waaay too outlandish a career and one which no-one would believe.  After having been subsequently then offered some illicit substances by said drunken birthday boy ("we're just off to go smoke some weed in a field - wanna come join us?"), we figured it was probably time to wrap this party up and call it a day.  We'd actually done pretty well and sold quite a few jars of chutney, including the same "last jar" of fig and ginger (or Fig and Chutney, as i kept calling it) several times.  Damn stealth chutney.

Stealth chutney

Anyway, so we packed up shop, introduced Alison to the delights of the Porta-loo, and then headed back to Firehouse 8 to see how Alison's other bid for chutney world domination had fared.  As expected, it had been a bit quieter but the owner was happy enough and her friend had sold a number of jars, so all was good.  We picked up the rest, plopped them back into my car - and then decided to have a wander round the Polk Street Blues Festival to relax and enjoy ourselves.

Entertaining drunk/high birthday dude
 plus long-suffering GF

It was so much fun.  A complete microcosm of all that is fabulous and distinctive and different about San Francisco!  The people-watching was absolutely brilliant, especially while listening to one of the bands playing.  OMG.  I think i've been in a Zumba class with these people!!  Some of the "dancing" was nothing short of pure brilliance.  Spectacularly awful but completely uninhibited and so just fantastic.   We had the Asian dude who looked like a boy scout and whose moves were so phenomenal that words fail me in describing how compelling his sequential stepping to the left, then to the right, then back wards - then CROSSING ONE FOOT OVER THE OTHER, then stepping forwards, then left etc really was to watch.  Amazing.  Then we had the couple who we were convinced that the woman had just been told she had merely days to live, so they were locked in some sort of death dirge-step - contrasted with crazy, dancing-on-my-own-and-looking-like-a-lunatic-but-not-giving-a-crap lady.  Lots of pointing and gesturing at invisible objects - i mean, i guess it was a style at least.  And then you had the fun of watching what happens when two atrocious dance orbits come too close to one another.  I fear the San Andreas fault was in severe danger of being blown wide open, should those two masters of maladroitness have actually collided.

All you need to know about the awesome randomness

of SF, right here in this picture.  

When two crap dancing worlds (almost) collide....

And this is why I don't take drugs.  

Duuuuude.   Someone help me take this freakin' 

cigarette outta my mouth!!  I can't stop playin'!

Yes.  Yes they are.

So that was great fun to watch for a bit and the music was excellent too.  As well as the bands, there were the usual street stands selling all manner of stuff, as well as all the funnel cakes and corn dogs you could eat.  One of the stalls was selling hats so we stopped and had a mini-fashion show - and I ended up buying the orange one cos i loved it!  A great pick (and some great pics!) by my wee Scottish mate - and it was a complete bargain too at only $15!!

Eliza Dolittle, eat yer 'eart out!

Why, hello there.
Perfecting my Princess Di look....

Hmmm...now where did I leave my thought bubble?

But, finally, the street fair was starting to wind up, and it was time to think about heading back - me back home and Alison back to the kitchen, to start whipping up some more deliciousness.  We caused one last piece of carnage and mayhem in Cheese Plus (free cheese!  free(ish) coffee!  free cookie) before calling it a day.  And what an excellent day it was - one of the best kinds, full of fun, friends, food and festivities!  Roll on Fall Fest!!

* Chutney rhyming slang