Prohibited! Easy Speakin' in the Windy City...

Hello blogwatchers!  Sorry for the delayed blog post but I've recently discovered the Spite and Malice card game app on my iPhone, so Lisa and I have been engaged in titanic struggles for virtual C&F dominance most evenings.  And - despite the wonders of the interWeb making such things even possible, it is still a very slooooow endeavor with single games literally lasting days!  Especially this one game where all I got in my boxes were 10's and 9's!!!  Ridiculous!!  What am I supposed to do with a handful of 10's?? (I think i even took a photo at the time, i was so outraged - alas, I don't think you can appeal to an app for mercy).

Anyway, I digress - back to today's adventure (and, btw, for those of you who are not familiar with Spite and Malice, you should check it out - its a great way to be an absolute beyatch to all and sundry - and its totally legit!).  Actually today's adventure happened a couple of weeks ago, so hop into the Tardis for a minute or so, and head back to the Saturday before last.  Yet again, my trusty companions for this evening's adventure were Jonathan (aka The Italian Homeboy) and Lauren (aka The Blonde).  And - on the agenda?  Prohibition!!  Yippee!!

Actually, I thought I'd signed up for a Gangsters and Villains tour of Chicago (it was a long time ago when I'd bought the Groupon and made the reservation), but when I rocked on up, printed out ticket in hand, I discovered I'd booked us onto the Prohibition tour (simply featuring gangsters) instead.  The lady with the crazy pink hair and clipboard told me so, so it must be true (she was like a human unicorn).  Fortunately this tour sounded equally as fun as the other one i thought i was going on (honestly, all Chicago tours sound a bit the same - history, gangsters, corruption, fire - with a greater or lesser side of spookiness thrown in) - here's the link to their (absolutely dreadful, btw) website: http://www.weirdchicago.com and here's the description of our tour:

Roaring '20s Tour: The booze, jazz and gangsters that made 1920s Chicago roar! An adults-only tour of Chicago's most famous crime and gangster hangouts, the history of booze and Prohibition in the city and the famous Red Light Districts that made the Windy City notorious all over the world! Experience the sleazy and sinister side of Chicago first-hand as we prowl the dark streets in search of the remnants of the Roaring '20s with bar stops, crime scenes, and more! 

Well, then.  I guess its actually called the "Roaring '20's Tour" and it was on a Friday, not a Saturday night  *sigh*.  I blame the Maluur.. but more on that later.

Keeping it old school from the start.
No Proho-problem

Anyway, The Blonde, The Italian Homeboy and I had met earlier on for a quick pizza and glass of wine (to - albeit unnecessarily- get into the Italian mobster spirit).  The colleague formerly known as Jonathan proved to be an absolute delight as he'd turned up dressed just for the occasion - Italian sports jacket, brogues with socks (or no socks, I can't remember) and - the piece de resistance - a big gold crucifix on a big gold chain.  It was classy Jersey Shore all the way.   I'd considered trying to find a fedora and spats for the evening (alas, my costume cupboard is still just full of reindeer, penguins and crotchless squirrels) but I hadn't had time (what with all the "fun" at work and all) so TIH took the prize for best dressed for the evening (I made a silent vow to myself not to be so outclassed again in the future - TIH obviously doesn't know what he's dealing with here….).

Just before 7pm, we wander over a block or so to where our tour is due to leave from - right next to a giant McDonalds sign and a massive Rainforest Cafe billboard.  It was Tour Bus Bonanza down there and we smugly congratulated ourselves on picking The Hip Place To Be on a Friday night in Chicago.  And, after guidance from pink unicorn lady, we made sure we were in the right place to get on our bus, to start our tour (not the Gangsters tour, or the Haunted Chicago tour, or even the Prostitution tour - although I think they paid you to go on that one).  And - with an irony that i found as delicious as the ice cold cider I was soon to enjoy, the bus for the Prohibition tour was running a half hour behind so pink unicorn lady led us all to - yep, a pub where we could wait for him to turn up!

It was a great start.  Irony and alcohol.  A winning combination (unless you're Alanis Morrisette, of course).  The first pub was an Irish bar called Fados http://www.fadoirishpub.com/chicago/about/ - apparently, it was brought over from Ireland and some parts of it are more than a hundred years old!! (no!!! yes!!  really!!!).   It was perfectly adorable and pubby inside (i didn't get a chance to try the fish'n'chips, sadly - they are usually a winner in Irish pubs) but still felt a bit "new", especially given my recent London experience.  (oops - sorry - haven't quite gotten round to writing that one up either yet…).  But it was fun and we certainly passed a very enjoyable half hour waiting for our driver to show up.   Most of it was spent admiring our modish colleagues's fashion choices (pictured below).

Soaking up the scene at our first stop

Finally, our guide scoops us up and we're whisked off to our luxury 52-seat motor coach, filled with an impressive collection of individuals who really did look as if they'd just blown in off the Jersey shore.  One of them was even wearing a tiara, for Gods sake.  And that was just the men.  Basically, the format for the evening was this: a bit of a drive, a bit of history, a stop at a classic former Chicago speakeasy.  Repeat 5 times.

Now, in the course of the 2.5hr tour, I did actually learn a few nuggets of interesting information, some of which I can remember (damn that Maluur!) and try and pass on to you, dear blogwatcher. Throughout the whole tour, one name featured very prominently in the Prohibition beer wars - that, of course, of Al Capone.  There's far more to say about Al Capone than my typing fingers (and aging eyeballs) have energy for but, needless to say, he wasn't a very nice person and caused all manner of carnage and mayhem in the 20s Windy City.  If you want read more, here's a link to Wikipedia - i'm sure its all true.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Capone

One of our first location stops was in front of this beautiful creamy-white stone church called the Holy Name Church.  Looks beautiful and serene but, in 1921, it was the scene of a brutal mob hit http://mindsimedia.wordpress.com/2011/05/24/holy-name-cathedral-chicago-bullet-scarred-from-capone-era-hit/ .  There were so many bullets that the original steps outside (made from a softer stone than the body of the church itself) were destroyed and had to be replaced - however, you don't have to look that closely to see some very prominent bullet holes in one of the cornerstones.  A chilling reminder of a gruesome legacy - and also just the right size for sticking your finger in and wiggling it about a bit.

After that excitement, our next stop was to another speakeasy classic, Richards Bar.  Richards is famous in Chicago for completely ignoring the no smoking ordinance of the city.  They don't give two hoots - and neither do the patrons.  Here are a couple of recent review from Yelp.com, just to give you a (menthol) flavor of what it was like:

"There are ladies smoking. (It's 2014.) The bartender is sharpening a knife on a flint. He's smoking too. The hipsters mingle seamlessly with the long-time regulars. 

This is a bar's bar."

"The greatest bar in Chicago, period.

All the non-smoking whiners can shut up and go elsewhere. Like anywhere. Everybody is welcome here. Old, young, rich, poor, it doesn't matter. A true dive bar, a Chicago classic. if you've never been, you need to go."

It was indeed smokier than a kipper's arse in there but - apparently, according to pink unicorn lady - we just had to try the local specialty while we were there.  Hopefully not lung cancer, but instead a liquor from Sweden (thanks a bunch guys - haven't you inflicted enough on us already with your flat pack furniture?) called maluur (sp?).   I can't remember the description of how it was supposed to taste - all i can tell you is that it actually did taste completely disgusting.  Vile.  YUK yukkidity YUK.  Sod that for a game of soldiers.  It was awful and entirely not worth getting a lungful of smoke for.  Fortunately, I had a bottle of Magners to chase the taste away with, but that just goes to show that you should never trust a lady with bright pink hair for drinks recommendations.  Lesson learned.

Anyway, after that choke-fest, we made a few more stops - unfortunately my iPhone had run out of juice by this stage of the evening, so i have neither pictures nor Facebook check-ins to help me recall and retrace the rest of the route.  One place we did stop at, however, right at the end was the site of a truly chilling episode in Chicago history, the famous St. Valentine's Day massacre.  Today, you would walk straight past it, as its nothing more than a landscaped parking lot for an old people's home.  However, back in the 1920's, it was the site of the SMC Cartage warehouse. Again, there is much more to write than I have space (or time) to describe but look it up online and read for yourself.  In a city inured to violence and mob rule, the scale and savagery of the atrocity was such that it shocked the city into action, and was one of the turning points that led towards the downfall of Al Capone.   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Valentine's_Day_Massacre

What else did I learn?

Well, you know that famous saying "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer"?  Well, in Chicago, not so much.  Why?  Because of what became known as the "Chicago Handshake".  The urban dictionary definition of a Chicago Handshake is 1) A handshake in which money is exchanged for the purpose of bribing or 2) To pass bribe money via hand greeting.  However, back in the 20's, at the height of the mob wars between Al Capone and the North Side gang, it was synonymous with a mob method of execution - 2 men would greet their target - one would shake his hand and pull him in close, while the other would shoot him as he did so.  Not terribly friendly, right?  

Also - did you know that the phrase "boot legged"came from Portland in Maine, where smugglers would hide bottles of liquor in their boots and you (the imbibee) would go up to said bootleggers, give them money and they would then pull the bottle from their boots, you would have a quick swig, then they'd stick the bottle down their boots again and walk off.   Also, the term "Speak easy" came from the advice to speak easily (i.e. quietly) about certain establishments where illicit booze could be obtained.

One particularly popular brand of Prohibition moonshine was called Jamaican ginger - I don't know whether that refers to the ingredients or the dodgy looking geezer who used to make it, but it was all the rage in downtown 1920's Chicago.  Only problem was is that it, after a while, consumption of Jamaican Ginger was known to give you "the flop".  No, its not what you are thinking, you smutty-minded bunch, but it would cause your left foot (dunno why just the left) to become paralyzed, thus rendering you incapable of proper gait, but instead leaving you dragging ("the flop") your useless appendage about.  As to why it happened at all?  Well… probably not surprising when you find out that Jamaican Ginger used to contain the same ingredient as nerve gas.  You probably should count yourself lucky such floppiness was confined to only one extremity.

Finally, for any of you NASCAR fans out there (as far as I can make out, NASCAR is a redneck American "sport" involving loud cars, louder drivers and silicon women), did you know that the first NASCAR drivers were actually the same men who'd been the best Prohibition drivers.  Before the advent of major highways linking Chicago with Canada (which was where all the bootleg liquor came from), it all had to be driven down via backroads and at speed, to avoid the government anti-bootleggers.  Again, very ironic given that Henry Ford was a committed believer in total abstinence from alcohol!

And that's all I remember.  I hope you enjoyed joining me for our little Prohibition tour - here are some more photos from the night!  Next up this weekend, Quebec City….

Holy Name cathedral - spot the bullet hole..

Pink unicorn lady showing us the way

Fortunately my little finger made it out alive

The "before" picture with the Maluur shot of vileness.
You don't want to see what the "after" photo looked like

The incomparably smoky Richards Bar,
And, no, Mumsie we are NOT going to go next
time you are back in Chicago.

Apparently this murder was retribution for the St Valentine's
day massacre

"Hey!  You talking' to me?"  TIH rocks out the gold crucifix
look outside Delilah's

Largest collection of whisky and bourbon in the city, apparently.
Yuk.  Pass me the cider, please

I think this was bar number 5.
And we're all getting photo bombed by the girl in the tiara

Site of the St.Valentines day massacre.