Greetings, blog watchers! I know, I know - i've been horribly neglecting you since I got back from Utah and yes, I still have "Vegas, Baby!" to tell you about. I could say that this blog famine is to generate a heightened sense of anticipation and drama about my next post - but that would be a lie. I've just been a bit of a lazy sod - albeit with quite a lot going on (can you be simultaneously lazy and busy?).
So, I do have quite a lot to catch you up on (citizenship - yey! other stuff - yey!) but first, I thought I'd share with you some quick observations from one of my most recent trips back to NYC. Usually when I go back for work, I pretty much stay at the same places - close to the office, reasonably priced and points that I can spend on hotel stays that I turn up a month late for. Bonza. Anyway, this particular trip, my two go-to places were sold out so I had to venture further afield. I ended up in the Lower East Side - a pseudo-gritty neighborhood thats still a bit crappy-looking but has become self-consciously gentrified over the last 10 years or so. As such, its chockful of trendy bars & restaurants - and a couple of "boutique" hotels like the one I ended up in - The Thompson Hotel.
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| Room with a view. And some explaining to do. |
Here's my question. Just when, exactly, did I turn into a grumbly old fart? Answers on a postcard, please... (does anyone ever say that anymore? does today's Youf even know what a postcard IS?)
Now, its not as if there was anything particularly wrong or terrible about this hotel - other than to remind me, almost at every turn, just how completely not-trendy or cool or hip I am. Given my view on hipsters that I've shared with you previously (http://sazzinthecity.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-occasional-trials-of-working-in.html), I'm totally OK with that - but what tickled and annoyed me in equal measure was just how hard this hotel was trying in its attempts to be hip. Surely the whole point of being cool is to exude a non-affected insouciance while casually impressing you with avant-garde edginess?
Anyway, should you ever one day find yourself in the Lower East Side (or anywhere else showing the tender shoots of urban renewal), here are 10 classic signs you might be staying in a Trendy Hotel That's Trying Too Hard...
10. An interpretative jazz piano version of "Purple Rain" playing over the hotel's PA system at breakfast
9. Coffee served in sake cups
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| This is just annoying. |
8. The ridiculously oversized thick black horn-rimmed glasses the receptionist was wearing that were the size of her whole face
7. Film Noir avant-garde movies playing in the hotel elevators
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| Utterly pointless. Probably French. Thankfully silent. |
6. Not being able to figure out how to turn the lights ON in the room from the helpfully unlabeled array of touch panels
5. Local, slow-grown "Do Not Disturb" door hangers made out of sustainable organic heavyweight cardboard by a collective of tofu-munching hippies from Brooklyn
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| Hand-carved by Artisans |
4. Not being able to figure out how to turn the lights OFF in the room - particularly the single halogen spot in the entrance way that has its own switch completely separate to the rest for no apparent reason, dammit!
3. A room key card so swanky you wonder if you can keep it and pass it off as a black AMEX
2. An in-room bonsai tree with its own recessed alcove and mood lighting
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| *sigh* |
1. And the piece de resistance.... your very own "use while you are here with our compliments" painfully trendy organic linen rucksack, hanging in the closet. Anyone?
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| What the hipsters in LES use in a rainstorm |
3 comments:
not an old fart yet my darling,you are just too wise to be impressed by such painfully obvious affectations! loved the blog very funny and beautifully written,couple of marvelous sentences that just thrilled. Thank you for making me laugh darling lots love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thats why we always stay at the Ritz, Mandarin or Four Seasons. They don't pretend to be anything. They are genuinely snobby and stuffy, no pretense there. They appeal to old farts like me! Pure unadulterated luxury all the way and not a hipster drinking coffee shots in sight! However, I might be tempted to take the backpack with me if I stayed there. Remind me to tell you about my cousin 'stealing' from the hotel I treated her to in Phuket! I almost died when the manager asked her to return items as we were checking out. Good Lord above - what type of family do I come from? Loved the blog. It was worth the wait. I DO LOVE YOU for writing this one tonight especially as I begged you for new material, and it was very late :) Thank you.
thank you for ending the blog drought with such a great piece!! I would have nicked everything, and agree that sake cups of coffee are totally rectal climbingly mobile... I would have loved to have joined you but nay have shot the pianist as purple rain in any guise or musical arrangement is tooooo awful for words!! thank you for the blog, and I wished you had nicked the organic door sign and backpack!!!! love you!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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