I run for pastries

Before

The VERY best thing about getting up at 5am on a Sunday morning to go and do a 5K run is that you are then 100% justifiably allowed to be a complete lazy arse for the rest of the day and do nothing but sit on your bum and have an evening BBQ with friends.   Word.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.  Back to the start line.

As you know, over the last 6 weeks or so, I've started getting serious about getting in shape and dropping the Considerable Chubb and Stalker Fat I put on over the last 18 months or so.  Mumsie and I just finished another round of our 10 day Detox diet (my second round, Mumsie's first) and lost 8.7lb and 7.8lbs, respectively!   That means that, since I got back from my trip to Zurich in mid-April (the one filled with choccy bunnies aplenty), I've lost a grand total of 19.8lbs!!

I can't believe I'm UNDERCOSTUMED
 for once!!!

CUE RAPTUROUS APPLAUSE

I do still have about the same left to go, but its not a bad start, methinks!!  As well as the Detox Diet (a frigging miracle, if you ask me), I've also been working out three times a week with Christopher (who's been enjoying kicking my flabby butt into shape!) and I've started using this 10K running app on my phone to supplement some extra cardio.  Its one of these Get Your Arse Off the Sofa and Start Running STAT apps that gradually builds week on week, and moves you away from your life of sloth and couch Cheetos towards a new existence of neon sneakers and smugness.  The program to take you all the way to 5K without stopping is an 8 week affair - and, as of this morning, I was only halfway through week 5! (I'd miscalculated when I needed to start to be ready for the race - oops!).  So, I wasn't completely ready for the race this morning, but I wasn't the slovenly shambling heap I would have been 6 weeks ago either, so I figured i'd probably be able to shuffle my way round OK.

Anyway, race day rolls around and I'd spent most of yesterday, ahem, carbo-loading as Mumsie and I had just finished our Detox and happily awarded ourselves 2 days off to recover and re-tox before the next round.  This involved eating our body weight in Bread Products at this very nice little restaurant in Hyde Park, after we'd spent the morning touring round Frank Lloyd Wright's Robie House (more on that in my next blog post).  I'd also treated myself to a glass of wine (or two) on the balcony last night as I lay out in the late afternoon sunshine and worked on MY TAN! (yes!!  A TAN!!  After three San Francisco summers, I've joyfully rediscovered pigmentation!).  I'm not sure if a bellyful of bread and a skinful of wine is altogether the best way to finish up your training plan for a running race, but it is what it is.

Proof!!!  

 One of the things about these races (obviously I'm now an expert, having run one and hung overly shuffled round 2 others) is that they start fiendishly early.  Which was why I found myself, on a Sunday morning, hauling my ass out of bed at 5am, ready to go and pick Lauren up at 6.15am for the drive into town.  Mumsie was coming with us too (but had declined to run) to serve as our security staff as well as personal valet and coat-check.  The drive into town was straightforward and took about 20 mins or so, so before we knew it, we were pulling into the car park for Lincoln Park Zoo (which was verrrry looooong) and heading into the Zoo itself to pick up our race packets.

The Scene.  Just hangin' with my fellow
athletes, as we athletes do.
Alphabetically and athletically.

It was all very well organized and the lines weren't too long - this despite the main sponsor being United Airlines, which has to be a first.  I thought about asking where the 1K Premier line was - but it was way too early for such douchie-ness, so I kept my smart-arsery to myself for once.  Much to my chagrin, there were a few people in animal costumes (dammit!) so I made a quiet mental note to myself not to be so shamelessly outclassed next year.

We'd arrived pretty early and had about an hour to wait before the off, but it was fun to people-watch and also have a look at the animals who were up already, wondering what all the noise was about.  After a while, it was time to head over to the start line which was a couple of blocks outside of the zoo, so we left Mumsie in a fool-proof Find Again location and headed out of the Park.  There we met up with Lisa, another client - and friend - of Christopher and Lauren's who looked super fit and as if she could eat up this 5K without breaking a sweat!!  We all decided to run together which was fun and - after watching a hapless car get towed from the starting line - it was time for the off!!

Now, fortunately for you, I'm not going to recount every step for you but the course itself was pretty straightforward, mostly flat with one or two little hills and on a gravel path that just did a big loop away from, then back towards the zoo.  We only ran probably the last 5 mins or so actually in the zoo itself (puffing a hello to the Alpacas and zebras on the way) and I'm very glad the run was so early cos  out of the shade, it was HOT even at 8am!  I won't fib and say that I did the whole thing without stopping, BUT all together, we probably only had about a minute walk break, so we pretty much did run the whole thing!  (I'll have no excuse for my next 10K app run though when it tells me to run for 8 mins and walk for 3!).  It really wasn't that terrible - I certainly got a good workout and my legs were tired by the end (as well as my face matching my shirt) but it was absolutely do-able and,what's more, I bloody well did it!!  So, huzzah for me - and huzzah for my two trusty running mates, Lisa and Lauren!  I even think, for fleeting moments, I might have - gasp - enjoyed it.  Who'dve thought it?

 So… how did I do?

Well, as it turns out - not too terribly.  I did precisely just below average - which, for me, was a winner!  Here are my stats (for all you running junkies out there - this will make you feel very superior but we've all got to start somewhere, right?)

Finish: 0:36:58
Pace: 11:54/mi
Overall: 1452 out of 2302
Place in gender: 820 out of 1431
Place in age group: 79 out of 136

Key takeaways (as we say) from these results:
My age group are lazy shits (where are the other 40-somethings??!)
THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE WHO WERE SLOWER THAN ME!!
I can DEFINITELY improve for next time!
WHAT?
NEXT TIME?
YES!!  I'm going to do it again!
OMG.  YOU ARE CRAZY!
Yes, yes, I am.
Bring on the 10K in September….

One of my shoes gets a little frisky.

No tongues, please

Even the tiger came to (sleepily) wave us off.

Ready for the off and raring to go!

And finally, here's what my pot of gold looked like at the end of my sweaty rainbow… (steady)

Just rewards.

Anyway, that was my day in the park today.  Since getting home, I've done sod all except put a bottle of champagne in the fridge and watch the weather out the window, hoping that the clouds and thunderstorm holds off long enough for some grilling action to go down on the rooftop.  According to my Sky Motion app, all looks well for the next 119mins, so if you'll excuse me, I've got to go get my grill on!….

After.
Over….and out.