Bonkers for Conkers!

Listen up, Americans!

I am about to rock your world.

Brits, you have permission to read this blog post with the immutable sense of complacency that comes from sage wisdom, for you already know what I will say to be the truth.  While it may have been some time since these memories were stirred, once revived, no-one can deny their inherent rightness and that all is as it should be with the world.

I am, of course, referring to the undeniable Pinnacle of Playground Playtime, the God of Games -  the truly glorious, undeniably fabulous game of Conkers.  Conkers is as British as it gets - at least it was when I was growing up - whole swathes of kids brought up on its highs and lows.  I hear that today Conkers is banned in school playgrounds due to "safety concerns" - I don't know if that is true or not but, if so, that's a pretty sorry state of affairs, IMHO.  A good old-fashioned game of conkers should be as integral a part of a kid's curriculum as maths, science and bad school dinners.  Its just the British way.

But, lets start at the beginning, shall we?  First, the basics...the rules.

Rules of Conkers

1. Obtain conker.
This may either involve a quick trip to your local graveyard (in November) to find a horse chestnut tree actively shedding or a short 1.5hr flight across the Atlantic to deliver said items to a villa in Northern Cyprus.

2. Prepare conker
See Conker Etiquette below.  This used to be a serious topic of playground conversation back in the late 70's/early 80's when I was growing up.  Whoever held the Key to Conker Longevity ruled the playground.  Period.  For those few weeks in the autumn, if you knew the secret, you were King.  Full stop.  Pens down.

3. Engage in conker battle for supremacy
Its pretty simple.  After you have strung your conker, you then take turns with your opponent in trying to hit their conker with yours.  Your opponent will hold their conker out on the end of its string (you can take your time adjusting the height at which your opponent's arm holds it up - thus starts the mind games), you carefully line up your aim with your conker - and take aim!  If your conker hits your opponents with an audible "thwack", you take another shot.  If it misses or if - schoolboy error - you hit the string but not the conker - you lose your turn and it passes to your opponent.  They, then, take their turn at trying to hit your conker.

The winner of the game is whoever manages to destroy the other's conker first.  Generally, a conker under attack will withstand several hits without visible damage for a fair few hits but then, suddenly, the first crack will appear and, from then on, you know you are on borrowed time.  Things start to go downhill very quickly from thereon in.

4.  Repeat - or not.
Once you have won one game, you are known as a "one-er".  From this modest pinnacle of greatness, you can then go on to try and attain ever more giddy heights - from "one-er" to "two-er" to "three-er" and so on, and so forth.  In our impromptu USA vs Cyprus league, I (representing the USA, of course), managed an impressive "five-er" until I was usurped by an upstart Cyprus conker (wielded by my sister's husband) who somehow managed to squeak out an "eight-er"!!!  By the last go round, it was just a tiny conker nubbin, holding on to the string within an inch of its life, but it still managed - somehow - to take down one of Thomas's conkers before finally falling victim to a fresh conker onslaught and riding off into the conquering sunset.

5. Cry when conker is (inevitably) shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.  Just like your dreams of conker playground supremacy.

6. Return to 1.

Now, those are the basic rules of Conkers. So far, so good, right?  However, for those of you who have not grown up with The Magnificent Game, I feel a few words on Conker Etiquette are also required here.

Firstly, no tampering with your conkers is allowed.  Apparently (for I have seen no photographic evidence, so I absolutely dispute this recollection of events), I once attempted to dip my conker in concrete, paint it brown and go for conker glory.  As I cannot recollect vast swathes of my childhood (much to Mumsie's chagrin), the likelihood of me remembering this one episode is fairly remote - but it seems to have left an indelible remark on Loopy, so maybe there is something too it.  Anyway, its bad form to do anything to your conker other than drill a hole in it for the string, polish it on your sleeve, look worriedly at it as it starts to fracture and whisper secret words of encouragement to it.  No baking in the oven, soaking in vinegar, painting in clear varnish or - apparently - coating in concrete is allowed.  No, sirree.

Secondly, its also bad form to aim for the string, in the hope of tangling it with yours and knocking the opponent's conker out of your hands and on to the ground (thus hoping to accelerate any nascent cracks).  It is sometimes handy (particularly in high stakes games) to have an impartial third party on hand as an observer, to adjudicate whether something was an obvious string-shot ploy or an unintended tangle and hit.  Blatant string shots result in the offender missing their go and play passing to the opponent - that plus the collective shaming from onlookers who recognize shady conker tactics when they see them.

Lastly, and this is not really an etiquette comment but more a word of advice - be warned.  Playing conkers hurts!  As we rediscovered, when someone smashes into your conker, trying to rip it from its string and shatter it into a thousand tiny pieces, it doesn't stay static, hanging docilely from its tether, taking the abuse without protest.  No - it tends to skitter away with equal opposing force in the opposite direction, stopping only when it slams into an immovable object which, in this case, is usually your forearm.  Which hurts quite a lot.  Neither is the aggressor immune from these action injuries too - if you go hell for leather to try and twat somebody's conker and miss, then your conker will sail past its intended target and, instead, bury itself in whatever part of your soft tissue happens to be in its trajectory, whether it be arm, thigh, torso, whatever. This hurts like a bugger too.  You have been warned.

So, those are the basics of this glorious game and I hope you now feel suitably equipped to go out there, find a friendly horse chestnut tree and make your own conker-y memories.   However, if you need further enlightenment, I will leave you with this short video of my sister and her husband, Sniper (a newbie to the sport), playing conkers as it serves as a perfect illustration of what the whole game is about.  Enjoy - and learn.  My sistah is a conker Ninja....

Hmm...not sure if hubby should be laughing
as hard as he is in this picture... someone's
gonna be in trouble....

A very rare conker malfunction captured on film for the very
first time - rival string fray-age with armpit capture.
Very dangerous.  Do NOT attempt at home.

Loopy and Thomas share a conker moment.

This is what an (out-of-focus) five-er looks like.
Booyah.

Eren gussies up for his big conker smashdown
move....

..and discovers the harsh truth that conkers can
sometimes bite back...

Cyprus, cats and pre-Chrimbo culinary adventures

View from my bedroom balcony.
Does not suck, right?

First morning waking up at home, and its a beautiful sunrise over the Five Finger Mountains.  Thanks to jetlag (and I didn't think I could risk popping another Ambien), I was AWAKE at 4am and passed the time sending my sister affectionate little text messages, in the villa across from Dad's:

"ARE YOU AWAKE?"

"TEA?"

"HELLO?" 

"HELP!" 

until she finally gave up trying to sleep through them and got up around 6am.  By that time, I'd overachieved on Watching a Mediterranean Sunrise and underachieved on trying to get Dad's gas hob to light (hence the plea for tea).  Picking my way through the HUNDREDS of cats that mill about between the two villas waiting to be fed (Daniel - you most definitely have the wrong sister pegged as The Cat Lady), it was just lovely to be able to share a Nice Cup of Tea with my sis, first thing in the morning before the hoards descended.  A simple pleasure, but one I had waited 2yrs to enjoy.  I miss my sis.

I'm going to start a "caption this photo" contest
for this one.... Prize: one (or more) cat of your choice

The weather was supposed to be a bit sunny but with some rain, so today was a day for chilling and recovering from the arduous 1.5hr journey.  One item on the agenda for today, though, was a trip to Dubious Bazaar - the world's finest emporium for All Manner of Tat and Crap.  It is, indeed, worthy of its own blog post (some of my long-time blog watchers may remember DB from several years back) so, for those of you who are not yet familiar with its delights, watch this space.... (Dubious Bazaar also explains one very curiously adorned shelf in my otherwise impeccably tasteful home back in Chicago - jampacked with DB specials, lovingly acquired over the years....just think Satan Peacock and Meerkat Montage, and you get the picture...)

Fancy pants sunrise over Five Finger (count 'em!) Mountain

Dubious Bazaar did not disappoint, although the preponderance of hilarious packaging typos and over-claims seemed a little more muted than in previous years, but I did manage to find a pressie for myself in there that will look quite special at home.  Plus a rather forlorn flock velvet cow statue that I somehow seemed to connect with (I'm not examining the reasons for that too deeply) but who I resisted purchasing.  Given Loopy's intent interest in my moo-sings, I seem to suspect it may mysteriously find its way underneath the Christmas tree in a few days time....

After DB, we did a quick zizz round a couple of the local shops - firstly for a trip to Lemar's (the local supermarket) for supplies and for coffee and breakfast.  Loopy had the classic English brekkie while I had an English muffin (which I then realized - with dismay - was a very Americanized choice of an English breakfast foodstuff) and we braved sitting outside in the not-quite-hot-enough-to-sit-outside-but-bugger-it-I'm-sitting-outside-anyway sunshine.  At least it wasn't raining - yet!

After Lemar's, we went to Supreme, another grocery store.  So, here's a curious thing - why is it that walking round supermarkets, surrounded by boxes of Paxo stuffing and Heinz Salad Cream makes you come over all nostalgic?  I find myself strolling the cornflake and Alpen aisle, fondly patting the boxes and smiling to myself, then admiring the cornucopia of Helmenn's condiment choices and Cadbury's.  The nostalgia pains weren't quite so acute as usual, due to my recent discovery of World Market back home, but there's still joy to be found in the sheer volume of OXO gravy mixes on a single shelf.

After shopping, I came home and crashed out for a few hours, then got up in time for bedtime, which then turned into a marathon Christmas pressie wrapping session which lasted til 1am!  3 suitcases worth of pressies takes quite a while to wrap - but does result in a really rather lovely big pile of gifts under the tree!!  I'm very excited to see everyone's reaction on the Big Day - especially Eren's!  He's well into Thunderbirds at the moment and - with the power of eBay and Amazon behind me - I managed to find a goodly variety of International Rescue gifts for him!  Its funny because they are all vintage, "original in box" that collectors have stored carefully for years (I even had a couple of toys shipped over from the UK!) but will be ripped from their boxes within minutes, come Christmas morning, by a very excited 5yr old!!  Can. Not. Wait.  I even managed to find him a Tracy Island which came in a MASSIVE box which, by itself, took up 2/3rds of one suitcase - but its going to be so worthwhile!! 

My bestie's Christmas card to Loopy and Mumsie in pride of place
in Loopy's kitchen

Next morning, the weather was again fairly dismal (this happens EVERY time I come home for Christmas - lovely sunshine for WEEKS until the day I arrive then, BAM!, it pisses down with rain for days! I guess the heavens are literally crying with joy at my arrival), so it called for another chilled out day.  We popped over to Mumsie's house to say hello, where I expressed my artistic genius once more (good to know I have a back-up plan if this marketing lark doesn't work out).

This is what happens when I take 2 weeks off work.
Aussie Santa, hand drawn and colored by yours truly. 

One of the other (multiple) highlights of the day was the recreation, by yours truly, of the Peppermint Bark recipe I'd learnt a few weeks earlier at a complimentary chocolate workshop (gotta love that phrase) hosted by my apartment building.  It was a VERY complex recipe, involving meticulous melting of milk chocolate, wary wilting of white and careful crushing of candy canes.  Then slap the white on top of the milk, sprinkle with the tooth-stickingly minty nuggets of sweetness, chill for a bit and - shazam! - you too can recreate the dental adventure that is the World's Thickest Peppermint Bark!  Dangerous but tasty.  The James Bond of the candy world.... (sorry, dunno where that came from - but I am jolly excited by the announcement of the new Bond film next year - starring Sherlock's own Moriarty! - fandoms collide!  yey!!  Did you miss me?!)

Also part of today's culinary revelations were the Holy Toast stamper that some wonderful Aunty had given her eldest nephew as an early Christmas present (well, its seasonal, right?).  Unfortunately, the results were so divine that no evidence of the marmalade marvels survived past breakfast time.  Other early Christmas pressies of note included a Doctor Who Tardis Yahtzee for Loopy and a Doctor Who Dalek Mr. Potato Head for Eren (can you spot a theme here?).  Much hilarity ensued with the Yahtzee - I know this will be hard for some of you to believe, but it turns out there is someone out there who's even more competitive than I am... my nephew Thomas.  Fortunately, I managed to whip his ass at Yahtzee, but he has promised to avenge his dented pride, so annihilation and oblivion await me at bowling on Christmas Eve....Next up, though, its time for CONKER WARS!!!

Thomas with some divine breakfast intervention

Well.... whats the point of Peppermint Bark if its not almost an
inch thick, eh?

Get 'em while they're young....indoctrination into
the ways of the Doctor - Eren with the Tardis Yahtzee,
pretending to be a dalek...

Finally Home for Christmas!

I had decided to wear my understated coat for the
flight, despite the risk that Loopy might not spot
me coming through into arrivals

Greetings blogwatchers and a very Merry Christmas to you all!!  Its Christmas Eve, the turkey is roasting in the oven and I'm finally here in Cyprus celebrating the holidays with my folks, so I thought I'd catch you up on all the festive happenings since I arrived!

I got here last Thursday, having left Chicago on the 10pm flight on Wednesday night.  I'd decided not to pony up the $6k to travel in business class, so had the delights of Turkish Airlines economy to look forward to, for the first leg in my Epic Journey Home.  Fortunately, what with being a Star Alliance Gold member and all (given all the flying I do with United Airlines), I still got a few of the perks such as access to the lounge and priority boarding.  The lounge was pretty basic (oh for the days of the Virgin lounge at Heathrow!) with floppy sandwiches of unknown provenance, but it was showing the Walking Dead on telly and had enough little bottles of Friexinet sparkling wine to keep me happy til it was time to board.

Not sure whether Turkish Airlines is being ironic
by showing back-to-back episodes of the Walking
 Deadin its departure lounge in Chicago....

I'd been dreading the long flight, but - as it happened - the 1.5hr flight from Chicago to Istanbul was totally fine.  Not a problem at all. I guess that's what happens when you get the combination of pre-flight champagne and Xanax and in-flight Ambien and red wine just right.  (I knew that Pharmacology PhD would come in handy one day). Helped along by the Most Comfortable Neck Pillow Ever Invented, after the meal service, I was totally sparko.  Fortunately I had the aisle seat and the guy on the window seat (who must have been at least 6ft 2 so am sure was having a pretty miserable flight) either slept the whole way too or had tried to rouse me from my profound slumber and given up, so I had a good seven or eight hours unbroken sleep!

Last bits of festive packing are also done

I came round bang on time for the breakfast service, so had another indeterminate sandwich, dug the earplugs out of my ears and rubbed the eyeshade elastic crinkle out of my forehead.  A quick trip to the loo to de-Pandarize my eyes and check the hair hadn't become alarming overnight, and I was ready!  From there on in, it was plain sailing for the rest of the trip.  I only had a 2hr layover til my onward flight to Ercan, which only then gave really about 45mins inside the terminal.

Final bits of Christmas shopping done

In case you've never been to Istanbul airport and, in particular, the Turkish Airlines lounge, it is probably one of the best airport lounges I've ever been too.  Its architecturally beautiful and it has some of the finest food you'll ever enjoy in that setting,  There are multiple food stations set up throughout the lounge, offering a wide variety of both local cuisine and international choices, plus lots of wines and champagne,  In addition to the catering choices, there are plenty of places to chill out and relax in, plus shower facilities and somewhere you can store your bags, so you don't have to keep hauling them round with you as you graze from food station to food station.  No wonder I was determined to at least set foot inside the lounge, even if I was in there for less than 10 mins during my layover - to scarf down a quick bowl of pasta and glass of wine - before turning round and heading back out into the concourse.  A quick purchase of Toblerone and Kinder chocolate later, and we were boarding for the (in-real-time, this time) 1.5hr flight to Ercan, Cyprus.

The Reindeer Honda Sleigh.... guess it runs in
the family, huh?

All was fine, I "enjoyed" my third Mystery Sandwich, and in no time, we were landing in Cyprus.  Huzzah!!!  The airport used to be set up such that, as you waited for your luggage by the baggage carousel, you could look up to the glassed-in balconies above and spot the folks who were waiting for you, who would wave down excitedly.   Unfortunately, that's changed but - as I waited for my bags to arrive (3 mahoosive suitcases containing all the pressies, Santa outfits and reindeer costumes you could ever need), I could still catch glimpses of Da Family waiting for me out through customs.

My first thought was - bloody hell, Thomas has grown!!  Last time I saw my sister Loopy and her two sons Eren and Thomas was over two years ago - Eren is now 5 and Thomas is 17 - and they've certainly changed!  Eren is now talking 19 to the dozen, switching effortlessly between Turkish and English, and Thomas has properly grown-up into a 6ft 2 strapping young man!  Loopy is still her fabulously funny, batty self and it was just brilliant to see her and Thomas waiting for me!  To my relief, all my bags turned up, I wasn't stopped going through customs and questioned about the amount of plush velour I was bringing into the country and before long, we were pulling up outside Villa Ten Ten in our fabulous Reindeer Honda Sleigh.

Pre-flight preparations the night before, Brit-style -
LP rose and a cheese and salad cream sandwich

My folks live in a little town called Catalkoy, in two villas next to each other, about 100m from the sea on one side and bordered by the mountains on the other.  There's a swimming pool (alas, covered for the winter) and a hot tub (sadly defunct) and a lovely orchard filled with citrus trees and almond bushes.  Like all of us, the villas are starting to show their age just a little bit but are still magnificent and a very welcome respite from the Chicago winter! Mumsie was also there, babysitting Eren, so it was great to see her too, and Dad came home a bit later, after coming back from a Children in Need charity event - so the whole gang is together for Christmas!!  Loopy's hubby, Sniper, was at work and I didn't manage to catch up with him for a couple of days, until the Battle of The Conkers - but more on that later!

So, after almost a day of traveling, I finally made it home for Christmas - and I can't think of any place I'd rather be.  Bring on the festive carnage!

Mumsie!  Finally a non-annoying use for a
Mason jar!! 

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas…..

Only 11days to go and I am outta here!!  Family Festive Fun awaits in Cyprus - and I can't wait!!   I have three mahoosive suitcases jam-packed full of gifts and goodies and I'm just waiting on one more thing to arrive next week, and I am DONE!!  Just call me Santa Soopy!

As I'm heading out for Christmas, there's not much point decorating the apartment (plus the cats would only eat any tinsel they could get their paws on then chuck it back up somewhere for me to find on my return) so instead, me, Christopher and Lauren took a trip on Friday night to see the lights at Chicago Zoo.  We prefaced it with a very nice pizza first (my last hurrah before the start of my Andes diet - more to come on that….), hit the Parking Jackpot finding a space right across from the zoo, and wandered over.  Lincoln Park Zoo is one of the last completely free zoos in the country and so the light show was free too.   It was one of the first nights it was open and it was a beautiful evening, around 40 degrees, so not insanely chilly but nice enough that you could stroll round and take your time.  We also stopped and got a mug of warm spiced wine too (or "adult" hot chocolate laced with rum), so it was all very festive.

As you can see from the pics below, the lights were fab!  Loopy - you and the boys would have LOVED it - maybe some time in the future you'll be able to come and see them for yourself!!  But, in the meantime I took lots of piccies - and a couple of little videos too - enjoy!!!

They weren't monkeying about with these lights

Nessie!!

R2D2 in a bubble!!!  

Not sure why this guy wasn't lit up - maybe
the lights would make him melt?

Palm trees and flamingos in Chicago in the winter
- someone has a very sick sense of humor!! 

Although it does look like we are posing in front
of the world's largest cannabis plant

And not a Coke bottle in sight, thank goodness…. 

The Big Man himself - see ya in 11 days!!

Cheetahs chillin'

He may be Abominable, but I'm sure his mother still loves him

But where's Spongebob?

The Battle for Thanksgiving Part 3: Pizza Wars

And so we reach the thrilling finale of the Battle for Thanksgiving - Pizza Wars!!  

Now, before all you NYC thin crust pizza peeps get your knickers in a twist/panties in a bunch (snigger), I think we can all agree right here, right now, that thin crust pizza IS the best pizza there is.  As to which Original Ray's Pizza is the best, authentic NYC slice - well, I'm not going near that hot potato.  http://gothamist.com/2011/09/27/the_hunt_for_the_real_original_rays.php

The reason for the preface is that this Pie Throwdown was taking place in Uno's Pizza - the original home of Chicago's deep dish pizza!  And, depending on where you sit in the Great Pizza Debate, deep dish is either yummy or a complete abomination!!  I think probably one of the only things that people can agree on is that no-one who actually lives IN Chicago eats deep-dish pizza EXCEPT for when they have out-of-town guests and then its the perfect thing to do with them!

Thanks to Travelzoo (love that website!), I'd managed to go one better than just eating there - I'd booked Komal and I into a Deep Dish Pizza Cooking Class, so we could learn how we, too, could make 1000-calorie pizzas in the comfort of our own homes for breakfast.  

Yep, hot off the heels of Paint Wars last night, Pizza Wars started at the crack of dawn (-ish) with the class scheduled to kick off at 8.30am.  We left the apartment around 7.30am (on a Saturday!!) and made very good time into the city, found somewhere reasonably priced to park, and wandered over to Uno's.  We were a bit early so the doors were still locked, but the staff inside took pity on us looking in forlornly through the windows, shivering in the 30-degree cold.  It was good that we arrived early, as we were able to get good seats, with a great front row view of all the doughy-action!  

Smiling through the pain of an early morning - on a Saturday!!

There were about 15 or so people in total - the class was very well organized - we all had little recipe booklets and they'd pre made the pizza dough beforehand, placed in little doughy lumps in individual pizza tins.  The chap who taught our class was great and seemed to be genuinely enthusiastic about deep dish pizza (he even claimed to make it for himself at home - a likely story!).  He gave us a bit of the history of the dish too - did you know that deep dish was invented totally by accident?  The restaurant that originally opened was supposed to serve Mexican food - however, the first day of opening was a disaster, so the panicking owners started to experiment with other recipes in the kitchen.  In the process, some bright spark (and exactly who it was who first created deep dish is not known for certain - though 20 or so peeps make that claim to fame!) put dough and cheese and tomatoes in a baking pan and baked it in the oven.  The red sauce of the pizza was made from the tomato salsa and the dough was originally from the flour that was supposed to make tortillas.  And thus, the deep dish pizza was born!!

Another interesting factoid - the "cornmeal crust" that is characteristic of deep dish contains precisely zero cornmeal!  The texture of the crust is actually achieved by, get this, pretty much drowning the dough in oil - this is what gives it its crispy texture as it bakes in the pan.  The other "secret" - the recipe  for the tomato sauce - just tomatoes!  A mix of plum tomatoes that you break up by hand and pureed tomatoes - and thats it!!  For the mozzarella cheese on the bottom, its better to use low-fat cheese and, if you are going to be adding raw sausage meat, you want to make sure to put that directly on top of the cheese. Other than that, its pretty fool proof - the dough is a cinch to make (he demonstrated it for us) and they've modified the recipe so that it will work in home ovens. 

So - let battle commence!! 

Magic instruction booklet

Easy peasy dough recipe!

Don't add too many veggies or your pizza will get
too watery (at last - an excuse NOT to eat
your veggies!!)

You are welcome, blog watchers!
Happy pizza making!  

Dough ball, sitting in a slick of oil.
Mmmm…..healthy!!

Ingredients, ready for action!

Our pizza guru with the super shiny head showing
us how to mould the dough into the base of the tin

My effort - not bad for a first attempt at dough
smushing

Nom nom nom… cheeeeeeeeeeeese.
And, remember, by this point it was still
only 9.15am!

Tomatoes, chilis, spinach, mushrooms and
onions - a veggie fiesta!

Ta da!!  Topped with pepperoni and sprinkled
with parmesan!

Making sure our glorious creations make it back
to our plates - complete with seasonal name tag
embellishments!

Salad!!!  At 10am!!!  Mumsie - you'd have
loved it!

The finished yummy product!

Mine's on the left, Komal's on the right!

Yes - it was very very tasty...

Thats one hellava lot of cheese!!

Pans, pans, pans

Showing us how its done in the kitchen

Lining the pie with sausage meat

So then - who won?  Well, we put our chap on the spot and asked him to judge. He was suitably diplomatic and said that he preferred the cheese topping on Komal's pizza but he thought mine would taste better!  So, I think the only fair conclusion to pizza wars was to call it a draw - given we were eating pizza at 10am on a Saturday morning, we were both winners!

So then, the final scores on the doors - an equitable, honorable draw!  Now taking suggestions for suitable duels for next year's Thanksgiving battle… 

After pizza, a quick trip to the Christmas market for some
gluhwein and fancy festive ornaments!

Bundled up against the cold, enjoying a
civilized mug of mulled wine