What I have learnt about commuting

So I've been living in Wicker Park for about a month now and am starting to adjust to the different commute into work each morning.  Its not that it takes me much longer (well, at least in the mornings - the evenings are a whole different ball of wax), its just that now my commute seems more, well, douchier.

I thought I was a fairly well-seasoned road warrier, having spent a couple of years as a sales rep back in the UK in the distant mists of time, driving upwards of 1,000 miles a week, as well as three painful ones "enjoying" the New Jersey and Philadelphia Turnpikes driving to/from my client during my Strat Planning Years.  I particularly used to LOVE it (really, I did) when I'd have an 8am meeting at my client's offices, so would get up at 4.30am to be on the road by 5.30am to make it in time (it was a solid 2hr drive) - to then arrive and only then be told the meeting had been canceled.  Those days were just so special.

But even I have been surprised by the simply heroic levels of ineptitude and general arseholery that I've observed on the I-94 on the 15 Mile Road to Deerfield (also the title of one of The Eagles lesser-known albums).  What are these people thinking?  Do they all have wives in labor in the back-seat who need to get to a hospital stat cos the baby's head is crowning?  Or are they all just very angry people who are on a mission to cause as much angst, death and destruction as they steamroller their way to their destination without regard for anyone else on the road?  Almost every single day, there are at least one or two bits of atrocious driving that make me shake my head in wonderment and make me feel very grateful I'm not that shitty a person.

In case you ever come to Chicago and find yourself on one of our delightful Interstate highways, here's what I've learned so far so that you can drive like a local:

Contrary to popular belief, the hard shoulder is, in fact, a full-on traffic lane, so please, go ahead and drive full speed down it.  I know you'll have to cut me up to get into my boring, mundane normal lane when your special one runs out or tapers off, but really - i don't mind, go right ahead.

Don't think about the traffic.  You will find out that, like me, that you are a reverse psychic with manifesting powers.  The very second you think to yourself "well, the traffic isn't too bad this morning" then BOOM.  Insta-jam.  Traffic will suddenly appear out of nowhere and will then be backed up for miles.  So, when you catch yourself about to think and pass judgement on that day's traffic flow - Just Say No and think of something, anything else instead.

While commuting in the morning rush hour definitely seems time sensitive (if I leave earlier, say 6.15am, I can be in the office by 7am, saving myself at least 15mins), commuting back into Chicago in the evening seems to be stubbornly time-insensitive.  It doesn't seem to matter when I leave the office in the afternoon - my drive home always takes about an hour and a half.  Kind of annoying, really, when you feel you've left the office early enough that the traffic gods should really cut you a break and let you get home just a tinsy-bit quicker than normal.  But they obviously don't give a sod and are capricious bastards so i'm certainly looking forward to the winter and what fun japes they are going to play on my commute home when the white stuff starts falling from the sky.

Baseball games are as annoying, traffic-wise, in Chicago as they are in San Francisco.  Its even worse in that this is congestion that isn't even serving the purpose of supporting a team that might actually win a game.  Pointless traffic.

The only bright spot, like the ice fields on Ceres, is that occasionally, just occasionally, the rozzers really do get the right man.  You know, the tool who drives like he thinks he's in the Grand Prix, weaving in and out of all the traffic at breakneck speed and who thinks his shit don't stink and that speed limits are for other people?  You know the one?  Well, I had one of those zoom past me the other week as I drove down to the lakefront for my group training run.  What he didn't know was that there was a police cruiser about 3 or 4 cars ahead of me.  Ah...sweet justice.  As I slowed down to take the exit off the freeway to the lakefront, there he was, pulled over by the state police and getting his ass handed to him on a plate.  Schaudenfreude is sometimes a glorious thing.

Decisions, decisions....

Well, arse biscuits.  I guess it was inevitable, really, wasn't it?  Thanks to the generosity of my latest star donors, Kellie, Karole, Barri, Candy and Lori, I am duty bound to report that I have now officially smashed through my supposed-to-have-been-unobtainable-so-I-dont-have-to-do-another-forfeit target of $3500.   As of writing, the exact total stands at $3603, so a HUGE thank you to my latest donors and everyone who has already contributed so far!  It really is quite incredible, so thanks for making my first ever fundraising experience such a wonderfully successful one.  Lori - your donation was the one that put me over the top so, like Daniel and Sam, you will also be the "lucky" recipient of a fabulous keepsake, once this whole nightmarish ordeal... sorry... fabulous running experience is over.

BUT WAIT!  Its not too late to donate, dearest blogwatchers!!  In true, annoyingly competitive fashion, I am now raising the stakes for the last time and increasing my target to $5000.  It feels terribly un-British to keep doing this, but there you are.  Must be the A-mur-ican part of me coming to the fore.  I know there are several of you out there who would like to donate and haven't yet gotten round to it - so there's still time and a new incentive!  I'm also now invested in trying to stay on top of my company's fundraising leaderboard, so you'll not only be helping a very worthwhile charitable cause but you'll be helping maintain my exceptionally fragile ego.

Here's the link: http://online.ccfa.org/goto/Sholloway

Before we get down to the business of selecting my $3500 forfeit, a quick update on what I've been up to this week.  Its been another busy one - I've been away all week on a work trip, and just got home from Boston, after having first spent 4 days in Washington DC.   I left Chicago on Saturday evening after what was a spectacularly disappointing Dessert Fest.  Earlier on in the day I'd run SEVEN miles in ridiculous humidity and 70 degree heat (even at 7am) for my group training, so gorging on sugar and champagne was to have been my reward.   It was Simply Dreadful.

It was held in this barn of a sports bar (the type of place you should never go to during daylight hours lest you see just how much of a bio-hazard all the soft furnishings really are) so perhaps that should have been the first clue this was not going to be the high quality event that I was expecting.  Rather than the smorgasbord of delicate artisanal patisserie offerings I was expecting from local bakers and cake makers, instead the desserts were mainly produced by the crap bar themselves and were basically various inedible lumps of synthetic crap.  Sarah, Cochon 555 this was not!  I think there was one dessert offering that was mildly tasty (a lemon tart thing) but everything else was bad, bad, bad.  And, to add insult to injury, we didn't get the free glass of champagne that was supposed to be included in the ticket price either!

So we stayed for about half an hour then left in disgust and headed off to find proper sustenance (and alcohol) at a riverside cafe instead.  By this stage it was about 1pm in the afternoon and roastingly hot and I discovered that poor-quality sugar and too much sun are not the ideal way to recover from a 7 mile run, so after a vague attempt to eat a burger, I excused myself for a bit of a lie-down before heading to the airport.

First stop was Washington, DC (again - I was only there last month) - this time for the Digestive Disease Week conference.  Its the premier gastroenterology conference of the year, so it was great to go and learn lots of stuff.  Best new phrase of the week: biliary sludge.  Even better was the chance to connect with colleagues and just hang out, getting to know people outside of the office.  Our group at work is now so small, I sometimes don't see many people during the day, so it felt really nice to be back as part of a bigger team.

Its THE statue from THE rolling boulder scene from
Raiders of the Lost Ark!

I didn't have much time to spare while I was there but I did manage to go for a 3 mile training run (DC is armpit drenchingly humid - it was like running in a tumble dryer again!) and, just before heading off to Boston, a quick hour's trip round the National Geographic Exhibition.  It was a pretty small exhibit but what it lacked in size it made up for in unexpected awesomeness as one of the exhibits featured none other than my childhood hero, Indiana Jones!!  It was a tie-up of props and clips from the film, alongside genuine artifacts and treasures and it made for a very fun hour reminiscing! (along with the original Star Wars films, the first three Indy films made up a huge part of my childhood - amazingly, its part of it that I can actually remember!).

Here are a few pics from my favorite parts of the exhibit - as I write this, I just plugged "Indiana Jones" into my Pandora station and am now listening to the Grimethorpe Colliery Band play the James Bond theme tune, so I'm having a lovely nostalgic time here...

The original sketch laying out the boulder dodging scene

OMG! I found it!  The lost Ark of the Covenant!

The Headpiece of the Staff of Rah

Costume from Temple of Doom  - as expected,
she was pretty tiny!

Scary stones from Temple of Doom - keep hold of your hearts!

I chose my exhibition.... wisely

Me and my new boyfriend.
He doesn't say much.  The perfect man....

So, all Indy'ed out, it was time to make like a rolling boulder and run for the airport for my short flight to Boston.  This was for another work meeting and again, it was a great opportunity meet with new people and make new friends.  We had a work dinner on the Weds night where I actually received a recognition award from the rest of the group which was completely unexpected and made me blush deeply!  I was very touched.

Another thing that made me blush deeply was the acute embarrassment of having forgotten to tell the management company of the new place I'm renting that I'd reactivated the alarm system in the property.  I'd remembered to tell my new cat-sitters (I have my priorities straight) but it had totally slipped my mind to tell the maintenance guy who was coming on Thursday to fix my front door bell.  Well, at least I now know the notification system works.  Because I was in work meetings, my phone was on silent so i didn't immediately see the phone calls and notifications that were flooding my phone with an alert that the front door had been opened.  Of course, as soon as I did, I deactivated the alarm system via the app on my phone (which is pretty snazzy) and phoned the management company to sheepishly apologize and to give them the code.  I'm not sure if the police actually turned up or not but at least its now been given a full-on test run.  Doh!

While in Boston, I also managed to fit in another training session - my schedule has me running 3 miles three times this week in advance of our Saturday morning group run of EIGHT miles!  (count'em!  EIGHT I TELL YOU!)  As a sign of my dedication to the cause, I'd brought all my running gear with me on this trip so had to check in a bag for a change (when you travel as much as I do, this is a big deal - frequent business travelers take a perverse pride in seeing just how many days they can be away on a trip with just an overnight sized bag - my personal record is 8 days - this is one of the reasons I always wear dresses to work!).  I was supposed to run on both Weds and Thurs, but messed up my alarm clock on Weds, so in the end I only ran on Thursday.  There was a lovely trail running right alongside the Charles River that makes for a very scenic outing - or at least would have if i'dve been able to find it!  It was only a block or so from the hotel, but I completely failed to find it instead ending up running round multiple building sites, which gave my workout a rather more exciting dynamic.

Anyway, so that was my week.  I got back late Friday evening and just enough time to say hi to the boys, climb into bed and sleep badly, before it was time for my longest ever run.  Each week now we are in new territories - i'm rationalizing it now by comparing it to the week before and telling myself "well, its only one more mile than i did last week, and I survived that OK".  So this week was 8 miles - again down by the lakefront.  Unlike last week, though, it was not as humid this time so that helped enormously.  It was only me and coach Bill this week (not sure where Katie and the other lady were) so absolutely no chance for slacking off during the run!!  Well, I'm amazed to say - it was actually OK!  I think it helped enormously that Bill chatted to me most of the way round, which kept my mind off the fact that my body was engaged in the heinous act of running and I am still quite amazed with the fact I can actually do this, given where I started from only 8 weeks ago.  Perhaps next week will be the killer (its NINE miles next week) and i'll get to 8.5miles and then just keel over.  (hopefully not, though - its almost Machu Picchu time, so an untimely death now would be really rather inconvenient.

So, to business.

As it stands, here's the deal.  Here are the list of forfeits that you evil-minded individuals have brewed up for the $3500 target.  What you now get to vote on is the method of selection.  I thought it was high time we brought back a couple of our favorites for decision-making: yes, you get to pick whether you want to place my fate into the hands of the Wheel of Fur-tune, The Kitchen Appliance Unholy Alliance or our old friend, the Potato of Destiny and Despair!   If you remember, the P of Double D is now enjoying life as an ex-pot on the sunny island of Cyprus with Loopy and the gang, occasionally being brought out of retirement to referee International Duck Days.  Loops - perhaps you can talk to the P of Double D and see if you can convince him to fulfill this one last civic duty?

(For those of you unfamiliar with these highly-scientific selection methods, here's a refresher:
Wheel of Fur-tune:http://sazzinthecity.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-wheel-of-fur-tune-has-spoken.html
Blender Action: http://sazzinthecity.blogspot.com/2012/09/a-kitchen-appliance-unholy-alliance.html
P of Double D: http://sazzinthecity.blogspot.com/2012/10/u.html (yes, I really did become a US citizen because of a forfeit picked out of a Mr Potato Head)

So, dearest blogwatchers, you get to choose which of the 3 selection methods will be used to pick one of the forfeits below.  You have til next Saturday (when I go on vacation for 2 weeks) to state your preference.  Assuming a safe return from Machu Picchu, i will then Get Right On It on my return.

• Learn how to waltz - and then post a film of myself dancing as proof I did it
• Do a tandem skydive
• Record a CD, filled with requests from my donors.  If you've donated, you get to pick a song for me to sing.
• Do the Korean girls cockroach challenge - but replace the cockroach with a Malteser

And FINALLY, "what's the forfeit if you hit $5000?" I hear you cry.  Well, to open up those purse strings again, it would have to be a biggie.  Daniel, lets just say I'm seriously considering your latest suggestion.....

Not so fast.....

Panic over.  At least for now.  The package that was delivered (to my old address, hence the delay in reporting back as I had to schlep over and go pick it up) was nothing more terrifying than Mumsie's electronic cigarette cartridge refills.  Obviously the bear swimsuit is still being hand-stitched and tie-dyed by organic artisan hippies out in the Pacific Northwest somewhere.   It did say to allow 3-4 weeks for it to be produced (I know, it IS hard to believe they didn't just have them in stock in a massive bearhouse somewhere) and then another couple of weeks for delivery, so I'm still living in hope it won't actually make it here to my new Chicago address.  We shall see.

In the meantime, its nice to see some of you have FINALLY got your creative juices flowing to come up with a suitable forfeit in case I (ever) hit my $3500 target.  As of writing today, I am still just over $200 short, so who knows?  Maybe I won't actually get there and these suggestions will all remain delightfully academic.  Though, somehow, I don't think Mumsie will allow me to get away with that....

Anyway, here are the current forfeit options for you, dearest blogwatcher, to choose from - assuming I hit my target.  You still have time to add your thoughts to this list below - as soon as I hit my target, then no more suggestions will be accepted and it'll be time to choose from the final list.  So, the current suggestions (all of which fill me with horror, though some more than others) are:

• Learn how to waltz - and then post a film of myself dancing as proof I did it
• Do a tandem skydive (obviously this one fills Mumsie with horror too)
• Record a CD, filled with requests from my donors.  If you've donated, you get to pick a song for me to sing.  I then try and have to figure out how/where to sing and record it and you, dear blogwatcher, will then get a copy of said CD.  I'm sure its going to turn into a complete shitshow of a CD so I would probably advise against actually ever listening to it and using it as a coaster instead.  Early suggestions from Mumsie and Daniel are "New York, New York" and "Daniel".  No prizes for guessing whose suggestion is whose.
• Do the Korean girls cockroach challenge - but replace the cockroach with a Malteser.  For those of you who haven't seen the video, go check it out on YouTube.  Its pretty grim.
• Learn how to trampoline (thanks, Dad) - not entirely sure how I'd go about this one and I'm sincerely hoping I won't have to find out! (not sure I'd be able to restrain myself from chopping up the trampoline a la childhood memories!)

So those are your options at the moment.  Additional suggestions welcome!  I will, of course, keep you posted as to how the fundraising continues to go - and when I finally hit/surpass my target.   As a side note (not that I'm competitive or anything, but...) because of everyone's generosity and/or sick minds in wanting to see me in a beary scary swimsuit, I'm actually the leading fundraiser in my company for the CCFA!!!  I'm about $800 ahead of the next person in terms of monies raised, so even more incentive to keep going!!

In other news, I'm now fully unpacked and almost settled in to my new place.  I've just got the last few pictures to hang (Kate - they are the ones you painted for me - always takes longer as I have to be a bit more careful to hang them up straight, rather than just bung them up like i do everything else!).  Tomorrow, I'm off to DC and Boston for the week for work but not before I've run SEVEN miles tomorrow morning followed by a decadent afternoon at Dessert Fest 2015, where I plan to stuff my face full of as many profiteroles and pies I can get my hands on.  All washed down with two large glasses of champagne - the perfect post-run recovery diet! 

And with that, time to toddle off to bed to get some rest before tomorrow's slog along the lakefront.  Wish me luck!!

Uh-oh......

I received an email alert today notifying me of an impending USPS delivery tomorrow.  I think we all know what that means, don't we?......

Seven scrunchies, five pens and $1.35*

Bloody hell.  What a whirlwind crazy few days its been.  Sorry it’s been a while since my last blog but, since my last post, I’ve moved house, unpacked my house, rebuilt a built-in wardrobe, been to a fabulous wedding in Miami (that still has me smiling), ridden in a Bentley, gotten sunburnt, peeled, had 2 swimming lessons, put in a new security system in the house, run SIX miles in one go in training on Saturday, been to IKEA, put up curtains, bought a fire pit from Lowes and had to figure out new cat-sitters, drycleaners and doctors (in priority order).  AND continued to edge ever closer to my $3500 target…. So it’s been a bit busy. 

First up, the move.

As you already know, I decided to eschew the leafy tranquility of life in the burbs and head back into the city.  The plan is to rent for a year first, check out the various neighborhoods, then sell my place in San Francisco to some entrepreneur tecchie millionaire and buy a multi-unit building here.  Live in the top one, rent out the bottom unit.  Or use it to store shoes.  I’ve not decided yet.  Anyway, I’ve now moved into my new place in Wicker Park in Chicago – and I think I’m going to be very happy there.  Its got a very comfy feeling to it so, though I’ve been in just over a week, its already starting to feel like home.  One of my criteria for how home-y a place feels is to imagine it at Christmas time – and bizarrely enough, I just bought a gently-used Christmas tree from a Brit I met through the Brits in Chicago Facebook page who is moving back to the UK, so is clearing stuff out before the move.  $50 for a John Lewis Xmas tree, complete with lights and absolutely no spiders or critters.  Mumsie, I finally listened….

The move itself was pretty painless – the moving crew were on time and didn’t break anything, so like my criteria for answering the question “Did you have a good flight?” (“yes - it didn’t crash”), it was a successful move.   The only thing that got broken was my new glass teapot that I dropped as I was unwrapping it – as expected, it just exploded into a thousand little shards all over the kitchen.  It was very sad.  Anyway, the movers arrived on Thursday at 9am to finish up the packing (I’d left them the kitchen to pack up cos I’m nice like that) and to load up the truck, then they were scheduled to arrive at 8am Friday morning for the delivery. 

I stayed out of the way while they did their thing.  Is it me or does it always feel a bit awkward when the movers are in?  You’re not sure whether to hang around in case they need you or to scarper and keep out of the way.  So I opted for the middle ground and, after popping out for brunch and to run a couple of errands, spent most of the time shut in one of the walk-in wardrobes with the cats, making sure they weren’t going completely bonkers.  Not sure what the movers made of it – I was probably reinforcing several cat lady stereotypes but whatever.  Dylan (or Horrorcow as I’ve now come to think of him) was the one going nuts trying to scratch at the door to escape (I’d already had to re-situate them from the laundry room as they managed to break out from there) whereas Izzie (aka Toothless) was far more sanguine.  Well, at least he was until it was time to drive into Chicago and drop them both off at the kitty spa, then he decides to freak out about halfway through the 30min drive, get all anxious and end up puking up in the cat carrier.  Mmm-MMM-mmmm – that certainly made for a wonderfully aromatic rest of trip.  Thanks, Izzie. 

 Its an interesting social dynamic where these total strangers are in your (soon-to-be-ex) house, in your drawers (oo-err) and handling your stuff.  I know it’s their job but I always feel ridiculously self-conscious about the amount of stuff I own and that they have to cart out to the truck so, invariably, at some point during the move, find myself apologizing for it.  (it’s the same when I go to a new hairdresser and find myself apologizing for the thickness and sheer amount of hair I have.  Crazy.  I guess you can take the girl out of the UK but you can’t (completely) take the Brit out of the girl).    Anyway, unlike last time where my British aversion to “causing a fuss” translated into heavy overtipping through guilt, this time I managed to reel it in, so tipped in a much more appropriate manner.  I guess after 12yrs of living in the US, I’m finally learning.

So, I’m in.  And, to prove it, I have lots of shiny new keys on my keyfob.  Two gold ones, two silver ones and two with the Chicago Bears logo on them.  I haven’t yet had time to mark them up with nail polish or a Sharpie, so its quite a production every time I need to open the front door, garage door or front gate as I work my way through every single one.  Why is it that it is ALWAYS the last one you try, irrespective of which one you choose to start with?  I think I’ve narrowed down the garage door key to being one of the silver ones, so that’s progress, I guess. 

It’s a similar production with figuring out the light switches.  I guess you go through this learning curve every time you move into a new place, but I think you just tend to forget (a bit like childbirth, I guess).  You click clack click all of them until you finally figure out which one turns on the light you are aiming for.  Then, despite your best efforts to commit the correct one to memory, you instantly forget which one did what the instant your finger leaves the switch.   Maybe its because they all look identical, your brain just gives up before it even starts, thinking “bugger this for a lark”.   I think its because there are obviously some light switches that are blatant decoys and seem to do absolutely nothing at all.  There are 4 light switches in the bathroom and I have not idea what all of them do yet.  Bizarrely, one of them is for a spot light in the ceiling which is a dim, dark-room style red.  I guess it’s for taking your romantic candle-lit bubble baths to the next level.  Seems a little kinky though.  It’s too tall to reach without the use of a ladder, so I guess its there to stay for now (damn). 

Then there are the things you only notice after you’ve moved in.  For, example, I only just noticed that my bathtub has jets in it (no, not those sorts of jets) so lots of foamy bathtime fun awaits!  (OK, maybe there’s a common theme starting to emerge here?).  Also, as I sit and write this in my new upstairs lounge (yes, I have a “downstairs” lounge now – oooohhh, fancy!), I’ve just noticed there is a double plug socket halfway up the wall.  Umm… why?  Actually, I’ve also now just noticed some rather inexpertly done patching near said sockets, so perhaps its for a TV?  Anyway, I’ve also just noticed (probably rather belatedly, I guess), that I’m no longer living in a curated, doormanned and staffed condo building and so have to think about such logistics as parcel delivery and home security.  Its actually the first time since I moved to the States that I don’t live in a doorman building and, while I am LOVING the extra space, I know the parcel thing is going to be a bit of a pain in the arse.  Fortunately I can get parcels delivered to the office (my replacement teapot should be winging its way to me as we speak), so I’m sure I’ll cope – but this is part of the year-long experiment to help me figure out what’s important to me vs what I’ll trade off.   I’ve figured out a dry-cleaning alternative (there’s a drop-off at the office for a local cleaner) and I’ll buy a few key pieces of workout equipment to get a home gym set up (I’m missing that and my training sessions already). 

So, that’s been all-consuming for the last 10 days or so – but I’m finally emerging out of the other end of it.  I’m in the Picture Hanging Stage, soon to be followed by the Patio Plant Selection Phase – both delightful markers that the pain and confusion of moving are coming to an end.  And, as soon as those two tasks are complete, I’ll take some piccies and post them up for you.  And yes – visitors welcome! (except for 3 weeks in August – those are already booked up! Yey!)

Anyway, FINALLY, before I turn in for the evening – an update on the fundraising and training for my half marathon.  Well, Daniel, I’m still in the safe zone for now as the total stands at….. DRUM ROLL, PLEASE…. $3,253.21!!  So, less than $250 to go before I hit my goal.  Donations have slowed a lot, as most people have already donated early but, if you haven’t yet donated, there’s still time!  Here’s the link to my donation website, so anything you can contribute, I would be very grateful.   http://online.ccfa.org/goto/Sholloway

I'm certainly putting in the miles to earn your money - this Saturday just gone, I did my longest run EVER with a total of SIX (count 'em!) miles!!  That's twice the distance I've ever run before!! (makes the 5K's seem like warm-ups!).   This sh*t's getting real!!  This Saturday coming, I have to run SEVEN miles!!!  Arrgghhh!!!!  Cue total, abject fear and panic!  The only thing that makes it worthwhile this time is that I then get to go and eat dessert and drink champagne with Chappers at DessertFest for 3 hours.   Bonza.

At the time of writing, the forfeit for my reaching the $3500 is still not yet decided.  As I am NOT doing the underwear in public dance forfeit so helpfully suggested by Daniel, I am still canvassing for other suggestions.  I know from the P of Double D experience from a couple of years ago that you evil-minded lot can come up with lots of creative ideas – I’ve also told Mumsie that, unless she (or anyone else) comes up with a better idea, then I’ll be throwing myself out of an airplane for a tandem sky-diving challenge.  She’d really rather I didn’t do that, so come on blogwatchers, get yer thinking caps on!

Right, that’s it for now – more to follow soon!!

* is what I found under my couch on moving day. I blame the boys.....

T minus 79 days

It is done.

The Beary Scary Hairy Swimsuit has been ordered.

Now, as each one is "custom made - hand printed and constructed to order", delivery will take at least 4-6 weeks.  Now that I have actually lost the "bet" and am having to give some thought to the horror that will be me, posing in public in a swimsuit - here's the deal.

You only get to see me in the swimsuit AFTER i've completed the half marathon.  You see, there is still a good chance I won't actually survive 13.1 miles of slogging round the Napa hills in July (yes - dammit - i forgot there were bloody hills in Napa), so I'm not going to put myself through the humiliation of Bearmaggedon until I know I really, really have to.  Also, I need several months to regrow a winter's length worth of leg hair to complete the look.  That amount of foliage doesn't just sprout up overnight you know.

So - mark your calendars, blog watchers.  I can now announce that D-Day for the Photo Shoot Of The Century will be during my first swimming lesson AFTER the half marathon - specifically Thursday 23rd July 2015.

Its going to be epic.

*sigh*

Well, then.  What now?

Seeing as you guys blasted through my original goal of double my sponsorship target, from $1000 to $2000, I figured it was probably worth setting you all a new challenge.  One you couldn't possibly hit.  And so it was that, on Monday, I publicly set myself a new fundraising target - this time raising my target from $2000 to $3500!!!   I mean - that's just bonkers!!  I haven't even yet come up with a consequence/forfeit/task that I can dangle in front of you all as an incentive - a few have crossed my mind (parachute jump out of an airplane, for example or take a weekend survival course, learning how to make fire out of spiders (you rub their legs together very quickly) and tea out of leaves (shouldn't be too difficult if you think about it)), but nothing has quite stuck yet.  I'm sure the more evilly-minded of you out there (you know who you are) could come up with something spectacular should I meet this s...t....r....e....t...c...h... goal.

So, that's now my new target, as of Monday.  And I thought I should be fairly safe.

Well, arse.

You lot don't know when to quit, do you?

My last blog post and email update on Monday prompted a fresh round of incredibly generous giving that has made me feel very humble and grateful.  The Star Donors of the week so far (and its only TUESDAY!!) are Kirsten, Ashley, Sam G., Jeanny, Esin, Linda, Sam H and Ian.  You guys are amazing so THANK YOU for your support - I'm really just blown away.  Sam G. gets a special shout out as it was his asymmetrically generous donation of $101 that put me over the top and into the Bear Zone (please private message me on Facebook with a mailing address and I will send you your special "prize" - you lucky thing!).   For those of you blogwatchers that have yet to donate - there's still time to join this exclusive club!  Just click on this link and let your credit card work its (tax-deductible) charitable magic!  http://online.ccfa.org/goto/Sholloway

So then.  With that pre-amble, just how worried should I now be?  The answer is - actually, probably quite a bit.  Because my new total raised so far (with 83 days of fundraising still left to go) is.....

$2,826!!!!

That's a mere $674 USD or 439 GBP or 1,792 TRY or 614 EUR or $844 AUD or $811 CAD or 644 CHF shy of my supposedly crazy ass new target - and that suddenly doesn't seem out of the realms of possibility!!  So... thinking caps on, blogwatchers - what do you think should happen if I actually reach my goal of $3500??  Answers on an blog-comment-shaped postcard, please....

I'm off now to go sob quietly in a corner.

Its Getting Beary Scary......

Right then, blogwatchers.  I’m not sure whether you guys are impressively generous or a bunch of sick puppies - I think, maybe, you are probably both.  Now, remember that my fundraising website has only been live for one week and my original target was $1000.  I agreed somehow  (I still don’t quite know how this happened – aren’t things like this only supposed to happen if you’re drinking??) that, if I managed to more than double my original target that I would wear THIS and post a picture on my blog of me wearing said garment.  http://printallover.me/collections/womens-swimwear-one-piece-swimsuits/products/0000000p-kodiak-bear-2

In case you need any reminding, I am raising money for a very worthy cause – the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of A-mur-ica.  The link to my donation website is here – if you’ve never seen someone running a 5K dressed like a traffic cone before, you really need to check it out.  Really.  You don’t know what you’re missing.   http://online.ccfa.org/goto/Sholloway

The training is actually starting to go quite well (can you detect a note of surprise here?!).  I’ve managed not to tweak the muscle in my calf again (fingers crossed, touch wood) so I’ve been able to stick to the training schedule this week.  I’ve obviously crossed fewer roads this week. 

The schedule usually comprises of 3 shorter runs a week, followed by a longer group run on Saturday morning.  Last week’s run was 4 miles, the longest I’ve ever done  but, this week, there wasn’t a group run scheduled as the CCFA organization was hosting an educational seminar instead.  However, so as to not fall behind on my training AND to demonstrate my commitment to the cause for any of you blogwatchers who haven’t donated yet, I actually voluntarily signed up for a 5K race this morning!  It was called the Ravenswood 5K race and it was to support a local soup kitchen and other worthy causes.   I think its now in its 19^th year and its obviously been very popular as there were 4,000 runners signed up!  The race was due to start at 8am, with race packet pick-up (ooh – check me out with the fancy lingo!) from 6.30am onwards, so it meant yet another early morning weekend wake-up call – 5.30am – ugh!  At that time in the morning, it was still a bit chilly, so I made sure to layer up properly – I think I managed to cram 5 layers under my running jacket.  It was a little snug and Michelin-man’esque, but at least I was warm for the race.   I got there just after 7am and went and picked up my race bib and race t-shirt.  It was a bright pink Mizuno confection with the name of the race stenciled on the back.  X-large, my arse.  Although, to be fair, it probably wasn’t meant to be worn over 4 other layers.

Proof I woz there

Not being a seasoned 5K-er, it was interesting to see how the race was organized – very smoothly, as it happened.  As the time approached for the start, all the runners moved into the area behind the start line and self-organized into corrals based on anticipated pace – minutes per mile.   Because of my handy-dandy heart rate monitor watch, I had a vague idea of my pace, so I went and stood by the 11 minute marker.  After the singing of the US national anthem, the horn blew for the start of the race - and we were off!!  

Well, almost.

It took a few minutes to get going, as the faster runners at the front moved off first and we shuffled upwards towards the starting line from our stations at the back.  But, after a couple of minutes, we were past the start line proper, I fired up my running mix on my iPhone and off I trotted.   I have to say that my new watch is brilliant – I think it was because of that that I managed to run round the entire 5K course without stopping!  (well, maybe some of my training may have helped too!)  I ran at a pace that kept my heart rate at between 145-150 bpm and, because of that, felt pretty comfortable the whole time round.  I didn’t go too fast and get really winded and then panic, but instead actually settled into a bit of a rhythm.  I think there may have been a fleeting moment when, shock horror, I may have come very close to actually thinking about possibly enjoying it!   Before I knew it, my running mix (31 mins) had run out – and I was pretty much at the finish line!  Now, I don’t yet know what my official time was, but I think it was around 35 mins or so.  I’m very pleased with that – for me at the moment, its more important to keep going for longer distances without stopping, rather than to go fast and I’m not sure I’ve ever run quite that far without stopping before.  So, yey for me – I may loathe and despise running still (that momentary moment has, well, passed) but I can’t deny that its starting to get me fitter!!  (and with just over a month to go before Machu Picchu, then its just as well!).

The other cool thing about finishing a 5K race (other than the fact its over) is then the free food at the end, as you cross the finish line and then people start handing you stuff.  First is the bottle of water (or Gatorade), then there are tables piled high with bagels, then bananas, then bags and bags of Oreo cookies, Nabisco treats, Fruit gummies, Clif bars – you name it, there’s a (packaged) carb there with your name on it.  Now, given it’s the weekend and one of my cheat days AND the fact I’d just run a 5K race, I didn’t stint on the post-race refreshments.  I felt I’d earned every mouthful of that chocolate chip Clif bar or the cinnamon roll sample.  Unfortunately now, at night as I type this, its wreaking havoc on my guts – obviously me and white flour and baked goods really don’t see eye to eye.  It’s at times like these I’m very glad I live on my own and am (currently) single.  Even the cats are looking mildly disgusted.

In other running news…… the love I feel for my compression socks continues to burgeon and is on the verge of blossoming into something quite lovely.  I’m sure they’re the reason neither my calf has played up nor my varicose veins exploded, both positive outcomes I’m grateful for.  I managed to wash them without dissolving them (fortunately they’re not hand wash only) so they are delightfully low maintenance (another relationship plus) and I can put them away when I’m not using them (bonza!).  I also have an uber-compression thingy (not sure it qualifies as a sock – there’s altogether too much strapping and Velcro for that, I think) that I’ve been using for the longer runs that’s so snug it leaves two long parallel dents down the front of my leg, on either side of my front bit of leg (sorry – temporarily can’t remember what that bit’s called).  So far the dents seemed to have come out over time but I’m sure the day is coming when I’ll inadvertently wear them for a bit too long and they will be stuck there and I’ll be forever furrowed.

So, have I bored you enough with running stuff yet?  Should I continue to describe my training in gruesome detail or just cut to the chase?  

The million-dollar question is…..how much have I raised so far?  Is it time to start re-growing out the leg hairs ready for my Sweary Beary Hairy Swim Suit?

Sarah, Mahj, Daniel, Sam, Dad, Lauren, Lisa, Lisa’s Mum and Dad, Marcy - thank you.  You are all BRILLIANT for having donated and I am very grateful for your generosity.   With your donations and folk from my work, I can announce that my grand total is now………………….drumroll, please………………………..

$1,900!!!

Yes – just a mere $101 shy of the grand total needed!  Bearmaggedon has been averted for another week!!  Now I know there are still some folk who have said they are going to donate who haven’t yet done so, so I know I only have a temporary reprieve.  I think by this time next week, I’ll probably have a spot of online shopping to do….   So, then, blogwatchers, you know what you have to do….. its up to you now…..

And – as additional incentive – the person whose donation puts me over the proverbial sartorial top will win a very special prize……

Ah.  The shin.  That’s it!

Bearing it all for Charity

So then blog watchers.  As you know by now, I have signed up to do a half-marathon for charity in July.  So... time to get your wallets out and pledge me some cash!  Here is the link to my fundraising website and some more blurb about why I'm doing what I'm doing.  

Now, the official fundraising target was $1000.   As you also probably know, I (foolishly) set Daniel a challenge that - if I raised double my original target - I would agree to wear THIS.....

http://printallover.me/collections/womens-swimwear-one-piece-swimsuits/products/0000000p-kodiak-bear-2

At the time of writing, I have already blasted past my "official" fundraising target of $1000 in just over a day, and am now currently standing at $1,085.   That's only $915 between me and a bear swimsuit.  

Needless to say, I'm starting to get a little nervous.....

******************************************************************************

Dear Friends and Colleagues,

I need your help!  I have recently decided to take on a huge challenge.  I have committed to race a half marathon (13.1 miles) this July! I am doing it for a great cause too-- to help find a cure for Crohn’s Disease and ulcerative colitis. I am running with a great team called Team Challenge, a team organized by the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation to help raise funds to support research, patient education, and support programs. My goal is to raise $ 1000 by May 18th to help find a cure for Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis.

In case you don’t know this about me – I am not what you would call a natural runner.  In fact, I’d almost go as far as to say I actively dislike running immensely.  The furthest I have ever run before is a 5K Hallowe’en race – and that was dressed as a penguin, so I’m not sure that really counts. To go straight from that to signing up for a half marathon is sheer craziness.  To achieve it, I have committed to getting up at 6am every Saturday through the summer for the group training, as well as 3 additional runs during the week. 

So why on earth am I doing it? 

I spend my days at work thinking about patients with GI diseases like IBD, IBS, celiac disease for example, and how to best guide Takeda to find new treatments that will meet the needs these patients still have and allow them to manage their disease and live their lives. But given the long timelines involved in drug discovery, this can mean that the impact of my efforts may sometimes not be seen for many years.  My decision to devote my summer to this cause and training allows me a real-time expression of commitment, today, to improving the lives and well being of the patients whose needs I try and serve every day when I go to work.

I have already met some truly inspirational people during training so far.  One of them is a fellow Doctor Who nerd like myself, a 13 year old called Kyle. When he was just six years old, Kyle started losing blood. Finally, results from a colonoscopy gave his parents a name for all the symptoms he had faced for so long: ulcerative colitis. Kyle began a journey of steroids, medication, and dietary restrictions. At eight years old, he faced three blood transfusions in the same year. Kyle now receives an intravenous medication every eight weeks to help give him color in his cheeks, energy, and a chance at a more normal life. Through it all, Kyle never complains. He faces ulcerative colitis with a brave face, positive attitude, and a true desire to give back and help others.

Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis are known together as inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). These are painful, medically incurable illnesses that attack the digestive system. The cause remains unknown. The mission of CCFA is to find a cure for Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis, and to improve the quality of life of children and adults affected by these diseases.

Again, my personal goal is to raise $2000 for the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation of America. Please consider supporting me in my effort by donating to CCFA. Time is of the essence! I need to reach my goal by May 18th. You can make a secure online donation by visiting my website at: http://online.ccfa.org/goto/Sholloway (Takeda colleagues - PLEASE remember to fill out the matching gift donation form – thank you!)

If you prefer to send a check, that’s fine too! Please make it payable to CCFA and send it to me at:

Sarah Holloway

One Takeda Parkway,

Deerfield,

IL 60015

I will also be accepting Advil, well wishes, ice packs, pity and a personal cheering section on race day.

Thank you for your generosity and support.

Warmest regards,

Sarah

What I Have Learnt About Swimming, Part 2

And so my tortuous “education” continues. Thursday night was my first swimming lesson and, as I write this on Monday evening, it’s taken me that long to recover.  I remembered correctly – swimming absolutely destroys you and leaves you in an incapacitated heap, fit only to stagger to bed and pray for the sweet gods of sleep to take you.  Fortunately it didn’t take me too long to drive home – I was so profoundly exhausted, I was in bed and dead to the world by 9pm.

But, back to the beginning.  As part of my training for my Machu Picchu hike, I’ve decided to take swimming lessons as an work colleague had told me that that was an excellent way to increase your cardiovascular capacity, particularly for high-altitude stuff.   Something about the intermittent nature of breathing while swimming that gussies up your red blood cells to grab hold of more oxygen and get a bit more circumspect about giving it up.  Now, for background, I can actually swim.  I think I learnt to swim as a kid (Mumsie, please chip in here to correct/supplement my truly atrocious childhood memory) so I can actually make my way from one end of the swimming pool to another without completely drowning.  However, for full transparency, I should probably tell you, dear reader, that my swimming “technique” is even more desperate than my zombie shuffle of a run – basically, throw a dog into a swimming pool with less than the usual requisite number of limbs and there you have me, spastically thrashing about trying both to stay afloat and propel myself in a forward direction at the same time.    If swimming style was measured on a sliding scale of “completely shite” to “how the hell has she not drowned yet?” I would fail to place.   How on earth I managed to qualify and get my PADI scuba-diving certificate 10 years ago is beyond me.  Maybe because diving basically involves controlled sinking?  

Anyway, you get the gist.  I am as uncomfortable and crap in the water as my sister is a natural water baby and sleek dolphin-human hybrid.  So it was not without a considerable degree of trepidation that I rocked on up for my first swim lesson, the least-horrifically unflattering swimsuit in hand that I could find, and checked in at the front desk for my lesson with Elia.  (SIDENOTE: how come is it that, for an article of clothing you will instantly and forever despise, it costs so much bloody money??  Its like adding insult to injury.  It simultaneously drains both your will to live AND your wallet).   As with all things in A-mur-ica, I’d had to fill in a rather lengthy disclaimer and pre-lesson questionnaire whose purpose was to assess my likelihood of suing their asses should I actually manage to somehow drown myself.  It also asked me a myriad of questions about my swimming “ability” and what my goals were for my sessions.  Here are my responses to their questions:

If these are the first lessons that you have scheduled with us, please take a moment to answer the following questions so that we can better prepare for your appointments. You may reply to this email to provide us with the answers.
1) Is this lesson for you or someone else? ME
2) Is this lesson for an adult or child? If a child, how old are they?  ADULT
3) Is the person taking this lesson afraid of the water?  A BIT
4) Does this person put their head in the water when they swim? NO
5) What, if any, of the major swim strokes is this person familiar with? (Freestyle / Backstroke / Breaststroke / Butterfly) VERY POOR VARIATIONS OF FREESTYLE AND BREASTSTROKE
6) What, if any, of the major swim strokes would this person like to learn?  PROBABLY FREESTYLE OR THE ONE THAT MAKES ME LOOK THE COOLEST WHILE SWIMMING
7) In your opinion, what is the swim level of the person taking the lesson? (Novice / Intermediate / Expert) CRAP INTERMEDIATE
8) How long or far can this person swim before they begin to tire?  NOT VERY LONG
9) What are your goals with the lesson(s) (e.g. "I want to feel safe in the water when I go on vacation;" "I'm training for a triathlon;" "I'd like to use swimming as a means of exercising;" etc.)
10) Anything special, unique or atypical about this person, their swimming background or their goals that might help us during the lesson (e.g. "I had a traumatic experience in deep water as a child," "I have a severe allergic reaction to chlorine," "I want to swim across the English channel," etc.)?  ALSO I WANT TO INCREASE AEROBIC CAPACITY TO HELP ME WITH A HIGH ALTITUDE HIKING VACATION IN JUNE

I’m sure they didn’t read the form otherwise I’m sure I’d have gotten a call back from them to say that the available timeslots for hydrophobic smartarses were already taken for the next eternity or so but, lucky me, here I was.

After checking in, I met the poor bugger who was to be my instructor – a thin slip of a girl called Elia who couldn’t be any more than 25 at the oldest.  She pointed me in the direction of the changing rooms and said we could get started a little early (oh yippee), so off I trotted to go push the technical boundaries of Lycra’s expansive capabilities and to shoehorn a gigaton’s worth of hair into an even more improbably tiny rubbery casing. 

Duly suited and booty-ed, I squeak squeaked back out to the pool area where Elia was waiting for me.  Bless her heart, she managed not to laugh (at least to my face) at the sight of this ridiculously cone-headed Smurf-in-training (I have a LOT of hair to cram under a swimming cap – its gonna make my head look a weird shape, OK?!).   Now, I am going to confess the following, just for you, my dearest blogwatchers.  Given I was there for a swimming lesson, I was expecting….ohh…maybe a full-size swimming pool to swim in.  Instead, the facility consisted of two square pools, each probably no more than about 10 square meters.  On seeing these pools, my first thought was “well, blimey, those aren’t very big, are they?  Even I could manage a length in those – how am I supposed to get a workout in those?!”   Yes.  For that moment, I really was that dim.  I blame the lack of circulation to my head, given the intense silicon compression that my frontal lobes were fending off from my swimcap.  Well, yes, DURRR – of course I hadn’t realized the pools had the spinny rotor things in that cause the current that you then swim against (like the rehabilitation pools they have for pedigree racehorses).  Sigh.   And – as it turned out – my fears of not getting a decent workout in were completely unfounded.  No worries on that score.

I won’t take you on a blow by blow account of my lesson because a) I can’t remember OR b) its exhausting just thinking about it again or c) I’m too damn lazy to write it all down and its almost bed-time.  So, instead, here are some riveting highlights about what I now know to be true about swimming:

•  It’s still ridiculously hard work that will absolutely destroy you.  Even if you don’t think you are working very hard, it’s a sod and creeps up on you.  One minute you’re fine, the next you are so utterly exhausted, your legs no longer work and you’re starting to dribble slightly.   Swimming is like the tequila shots of the exercise world.
• Learning to swim properly is like that game of “Simon says”.  Elia will teach me to do one little thing (“OK, we’re going to learn how to paddle backwards with our legs”), which I’ll do and get right.  Then she’ll add on something else (“right, now we’re going to add in the arms”) which I’ll duly make a mental note of – and do it and get it right.  Then she’ll add in something else (“OK, great – now lets add in a twist so you can flip over”) and I’ll just about keep my shit together and manage to do that too, and again, and again until she finally adds just one thing too many – which then trips a switch in my brain and I forget absolutely everything she’s taught me up to that point and my body shuts down completely and forgets how to float, let alone swim. 
• Don’t – under any circumstances – drink chocolate milk before a swimming lesson.  I learnt the hard way that dairy and dunking don’t mix.  I’d not had much to eat during the day, so I stopped off at a Starbucks to get a little something to eat before the lesson.  As it was during the week, I was eating clean, so the healthiest choices I could find were a banana (fruit!) and, I figured, a carton of chocolate milk (healthy protein, fairly light, chocolate flavored – whats not to love?).  Well, dairy and strenuous exercise in heated swimming pools are NOT a match made in heaven.  Within about 30 mins, I was starting to feel slightly nauseous; by 45 mins, I was ready to hurl.  Blowing chunks into the swimming pool was not the first impression I was after, so I did finally mention to Elia that I was feeling a bit dicky (steady) – fortunately she replied that we’d already finished everything for the day, so we could – mercifully- stop.   Note to self – don’t do that again.
• It really is advisable to look in a mirror after you take off your swimming googles, before you go shopping in Whole Foods to buy supper on the way home.  Its really not great for the ego to realize you have been out in public looking like Gollum due to the profound suction marks that encircle your eyes, making you look like you haven’t slept in eternity and earning you an impressive collection of pitied and slightly worried looks in equal measure.   I have dark circles under my eyes anyway, but this took the exhausted raccoon look to a whole other dimension. 
• Getting water up your nose burns like an absolute bitch.  It is the single biggest incentive to improve your technique, stat, so it doesn't happen again.  

So, dear reader, that’s it for now on swimming.  My next lesson is next Thursday (the same day I’m moving house, so perhaps swimming will be marginally less stressful?), so I hope I’ll remember at least a modicum of what I’ve been taught already.  In the meantime, I’ve become a Person With Running Gadgets – one of which is a new GPS-enabled fitness tracker watch that, unlike the 4 others that are in various drawers around the house, I will actually use.  I ran 4 miles – FOUR MILES, I TELL YOU – on Saturday and my coach, Bill, told me that the reason I was huffing and puffing like an asthmatic elephant was that I was “running too fast” and that I needed to “back off the pace”.  I was encouraged that there was a slightly more uplifting reason for my being out of breath than you’re an overweight, out of shape knacker – although going slower than my current running pace does present a bit of a logistical challenge and will continue to stretch the definition of “running”.  I guess as long as people out walking their dogs don’t outpace me, I still get a passing grade.  

Anyway, I just got this new Polar watch, complete with heart rate monitor band thingy, so am actually making an effort to learn how to use it and for it to guide my training as I get ready for “race” day in July.  Just wearing it should improve my overall strength – its bloody massive.  Its like having an iPad strapped to my wrist.   I took it for its first spin this morning, a little 2 mile trot on the treadmill downstairs.   Its already proving to be immensely useful.   I now know by how much my heart rate increases when I simply bend down to tie my sneaker laces.  Winner.  Machu Picchu, here I come.

So that’s that for now – tomorrow, I will post the link to my donation website so that you, dear blog-watcher, can invest in my training, be with me to support me on my arduous journey of fitness and – probably more importantly for you all – to ensure I lose my bet with Daniel and have to model this piece of wearable art for your entertainment.   I can’t believe I’m setting myself up for this….http://printallover.me/collections/womens-swimwear-one-piece-swimsuits/products/0000000p-kodiak-bear-2

What I Have Learnt about Swimming so far…..Part 1

Actually, I’ve learned feck all so far about the actual physical process of swimming as I don’t have my first lesson until this Thursday.   As far as I can tell, though, its basically just flapping your arms and legs about underwater while trying hard not to simultaneously drink the kiddy-urine-flavored pool, so how hard can it be, right?   Right??

What I have learnt, however, as I prepare for such aquatic enlightenment is this - there’s a sh*t load to do to get ready for it.   Firstly, there’s all the crap you have to buy.  Swimming googles that seem to want to suction-cup your eyes out of your face.  A swim-cap that, if chosen without sufficient care and attention to the color, will make you look like an overly-chubby matchstick.  And I haven’t even started yet on the main attraction – the singular Lycra terror that is the swimsuit.  I haven’t braved going to look for mine yet as I know it will be a profoundly horrific experience that will make my running pants run-in seem tame by comparison.  I may need quite a lot of fairly intensive counseling.  Instead, I’ve ordered one online that should arrive tomorrow (thanks, Amazon Prime!) so I can kid myself for as long as possible that its all going to be OK – right until the moment its time to stuff the sausage into the case.

And the de-fuzzing that’s required??  Ay carumba.  Remember – I now live in the Siberian wasteland that is the northern suburbs of Chicago.  Body hair here is not an aesthetic choice – it’s an evolutionary advantage for survival.   If I start now (its Monday night), there’s a slim chance I may be unhairy enough by Thursday evening not to get sucked straight into the pool filter on entering the water.  But!  Know this O blog watchers, that several Bic Lady Shaves will sacrifice themselves in the pursuit of this noble goal.  

So that’s about all I know so far – and its already more than I ever really wanted to know about sw*mming.  I think I keep kidding myself that, if I get into r*nning AND sw*mming, then maybe I might even try and do a mini-triathlon next year.   I know, crazy right?   I could try and convince you all that it’s because I think it’s a great way to get and stay fit, but we all know that that would be a complete lie and it would mainly be because of all the hot triathlete guys I would then get to letch at, at close quarters.    

So I’ve got that to look forward to on Thursday evening.  If I survive, I will let you know how I got on.

In the meantime, I’ll catch you up on some other stuff that’s been going on recently.  So, after a year-ish of “enjoying” the green and verdant suburbs of Evanston (so many trees!! so little to do!!), its finally time to say farewell to Life in The Burbs and move back to civilization.  Yep, in 3 weeks, I will be loading all my shit up into a moving truck (again) and heading into the city, where a lovely 3-bedroom duplex in Wicker Park awaits me!   Yes!  3 bedrooms!! (count’em!)  AND a family room!!   AND a rooftop deck all of my very own on top of my garage!!  So, dearest blogwatchers, PLENTY of room for guests and random stop-overs, so get your asses over to come visit me stat!  

The only time that Chez Holloway will be booked up this summer is for 3 weeks in August when I already have special VIP guests booked in to come and see me – the Family Clan is heading State-side!!  Yep, Loopy, Mumsie, Thomas and Eren are coming en masse to rock Chicago’s world for a full 3 weeks – and I couldn’t be more excited!!  Summer in the city is pretty amazing anyway, but to have my family around me while we explore all the delights of the Windy City In The Sun Rather than The Freezing Ass Cold to is going to be even more amazing still.  Dad is being a trooper and is staying in Cyprus to take care of the Million Cats and Dogs And Mumsie Gym while the gang is away – thanks, Dad!!   So, lots of fun will be had by all – not sure yet what we will do while they are here – I’m sure we’ll do the usual touristy stuff like the Bean and a river cruise or two, perhaps a science museum here or there or a street festival – but mainly I’m looking forward to just having my peeps close for 3 weeks, enjoying hanging out after work on the roofdeck, doing some grilling and chillin’.   Summer perfection.

What else? - oh yes!  My trip to Machu Picchu draws ever closer!  Its 6 weeks today (eek!) and I'm still no way fit enough and ready yet!!  Here's the itinerary of the trip that me and my mate Lisa will be doing - assuming I have enough strength at the end of the day to lift my digits enough to type, this trip should make for some truly spectacular blogging.  I'm even treating myself to a new camera to make sure I get some kick-ass photos (actually, Dad, you're treating me - its my combo Christmas and bday pressie, so thank you!!).    http://mountainlodgesofperu.com/trekking.html

As you read through the itinerary, you'll notice one of the days ("the big one") reaches the unbelievably dizzying heights of 15,000ft!!  (this is the day we go over the Saltankay pass itself).  Needless to say, its marked as "strenuous" - and this, dear blogwatchers, is one of the other reasons I said yes to the half marathon in July - I need to train my ass off to get ready for this!!  I am quite a bit terrified - but the reviews of everyone who has ever gone on this trip (and survived, I guess) has said it was the best trip of their lives, so I'm hoping it will all be worth it in the end.

Anyway, that's it for tonight - next up, men in white overalls doing strange things to the Chicago river.

What I Have Learnt from Running - Part 1

Greetings blogwatchers!  I’m baaaaaaaaack.  Sorry for the extended absence – one of my dearest blog fans gently nudged me a couple of days ago and told me he was fed up looking at the same damn teacup, so I should get a bloody move on and update my blog.   Lots to catch you up on, so I’ll just dive in.

First up, those of you on Facebook may have noticed something curious in my activity feed.

Its called running.  And it’s a curious activity indeed.    

First thing that you should know is that I HATE running.  I loathe and despise it with every fibre of my usually <4mph bipedally-propelled="" body.="" face="inherit" font="">  I vaguely remember a long-ago and distant time back in NYC where I used to “run” more often and claim that I might have actually enjoyed it once but, in reality, I was only r*nning for the beer (see Hash House Harriers and you’ll know what I mean).   Now, the closest thing I get to running is when Nordstrom is having a shoe sale or World Market is about to sell the last illegally-imported bar of Cadbury’s.   That’s worth breaking out into a trot for.

So, with this in mind, what do I go and do?  Why, I just go and sign myself up for a charity Half Marathon in July, that’s what!  

As is keeping with my all or nothing, go big or go home mentality (that usually serves me well – except for occasions like this one), I think I really outdid myself this time.   Its for an organization called the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation – a very worthy cause that my company is a supporter of.  Each year, we send a team from our company to participate in the Half Marathon that’s held in Napa in July.  I think my brain really just processed the last 3 words of that sentence and glazed over the first half – I’m ashamed to admit there was also a healthy dollop of peer pressure involved in my agreeing to do it (Jonathan – this is all your fault!) but its too late to back out now – I’m committed!! 

I also figured it was good to help me get into shape for my vacation this year which is…..drum roll, please…….. hiking to Machu Picchu!!  Its been on the bucket list for ever, so I figured this was finally the year I would get my flabby arse into gear and JFDI!

I’m now three weeks into the training and I’m writing this having already pulled a muscle in my calf last Saturday (so, its going well).  In true dyspraxic-fashion, did I hurt myself during the 2-mile group training run?  Why, of course not.   I tweaked it a couple of hours later crossing the damn road, when quickly shifted from a leisurely stroll to a scuttle, so as to not inadvertently get Frogger'd .  It’s a right pain as it’s a recurring injury, stemming from a bad fall up some icy train platform steps last winter.  It took a couple of weeks to heal then, but its never quite been right since and it tweaks out on me on regular occasions, at least once every couple of months.  I’m also sitting here smelling quite magnificently of menthol, having availed myself liberally of Bengay Intense Heat.   Hopefully it’ll be better by Saturday – I’d hate to miss out on all the "fun" of our next group run.  God only knows what interminable distance our coach will be demanding we run this week.

So, here’s what I’ve learnt about running so far. 

Remember - I run, so you don’t have to.  Remember that when I ask you for sponsorship money.

I would also like to point out that I have been learning all these salutary facts at a ridiculously early – and generally bloody freezing – time on a Saturday morning.  Yes, I’ve committed myself to get up at 6.30am on a Saturday morning, every weekend throughout the damn summer to go sodding running.  My misery will be truly complete when I start my private swim lessons on Sundays (more to come on that later – I think I may actually loathe swimming even more than I do running – it has all of the physical misery PLUS the added downside of a tight skimpy Lycra outfit PLUS requires significantly more depilatory time & effort than is standard for a single girl in winter PLUS it mucks up your hair AND you smell of a toilet freshener afterwards.  Grrrr.  The only thing I’m looking forward to about swimming is bitching about it bitterly on here afterwards). 

Anyway, here’s what I’ve learnt about running so far – in no particular order:

• I still hate it
• Running at 8.30am on a Saturday morning in 25 degree weather makes you question your existence on this barren icy planet. 
• It’s a lot easier with music – it drowns out the ongoing torrent of expletives that course through your brain about how much you abhor running.  (please note: by “easy” I mean “marginally less than unbearable”)
• Gloves are helpful to stop your fingers freezing off.  Even more helpful if you remember this before you start running.
• Having properly fitting shoes actually does make a difference – its elevated my Hufflepuff shamblings into a full-on Zombie Shuffle.  I aspire to a slow jog, but I sense that is still several weeks of hard training away.
• Unless you already have been running for at least 10 years and already have legs like an African gazelle, don’t even THINK about trying on a pair of running tights.  They are not meant for mere mortals like you.  Just step away.  Don’t be suckered in by all the friendly, approachable adverts, promising instant joy and similarly attired new friends.  They lie.  If, however, you want to feel utter abject despair as the super shiny, insanely patterned neon Lycra makes your thighs look like a Redwood forest and your crotch look like an Egyptian Bactrian bazaar, then go straight ahead.  Knock yourself out.  Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
• I now know what a compression sleeve is (and its not what you get when you jam fat arms into a tiny cardi).  And I suspect there is a fine line between looking cool and looking like a tool when wearing one.  I’m testing that boundary right now, wearing one on my right calf, over slightly stubbly bear legs, with a knee-length dress.  I think I probably look ridiculous but no-one has laughed outright at me yet, so I’m going to continue to werk it for a bit longer.
• There’s a mildly odd feeling when you are sitting in a little café, enjoying a well-earned slice of Key Lime pie, when one of the songs from your running mixes comes on over the stereo.  In that moment, you are rightfully able to inhabit universes of both athlete and glutton in equal measure.  My brain seemed to process the dichotomy by tapping my toes and eating faster.

So, that’s it for now.  Next up, more deets on what I’ve been up to since my last blog post – including another impending move!  Well, it has been a whole year since my last housewarming party….. That plus more details of my next few travel plans and a River Of Green.....