What I Have Learnt about Swimming so far…..Part 1

Actually, I’ve learned feck all so far about the actual physical process of swimming as I don’t have my first lesson until this Thursday.   As far as I can tell, though, its basically just flapping your arms and legs about underwater while trying hard not to simultaneously drink the kiddy-urine-flavored pool, so how hard can it be, right?   Right??

What I have learnt, however, as I prepare for such aquatic enlightenment is this - there’s a sh*t load to do to get ready for it.   Firstly, there’s all the crap you have to buy.  Swimming googles that seem to want to suction-cup your eyes out of your face.  A swim-cap that, if chosen without sufficient care and attention to the color, will make you look like an overly-chubby matchstick.  And I haven’t even started yet on the main attraction – the singular Lycra terror that is the swimsuit.  I haven’t braved going to look for mine yet as I know it will be a profoundly horrific experience that will make my running pants run-in seem tame by comparison.  I may need quite a lot of fairly intensive counseling.  Instead, I’ve ordered one online that should arrive tomorrow (thanks, Amazon Prime!) so I can kid myself for as long as possible that its all going to be OK – right until the moment its time to stuff the sausage into the case.

And the de-fuzzing that’s required??  Ay carumba.  Remember – I now live in the Siberian wasteland that is the northern suburbs of Chicago.  Body hair here is not an aesthetic choice – it’s an evolutionary advantage for survival.   If I start now (its Monday night), there’s a slim chance I may be unhairy enough by Thursday evening not to get sucked straight into the pool filter on entering the water.  But!  Know this O blog watchers, that several Bic Lady Shaves will sacrifice themselves in the pursuit of this noble goal.  

So that’s about all I know so far – and its already more than I ever really wanted to know about sw*mming.  I think I keep kidding myself that, if I get into r*nning AND sw*mming, then maybe I might even try and do a mini-triathlon next year.   I know, crazy right?   I could try and convince you all that it’s because I think it’s a great way to get and stay fit, but we all know that that would be a complete lie and it would mainly be because of all the hot triathlete guys I would then get to letch at, at close quarters.    

So I’ve got that to look forward to on Thursday evening.  If I survive, I will let you know how I got on.

In the meantime, I’ll catch you up on some other stuff that’s been going on recently.  So, after a year-ish of “enjoying” the green and verdant suburbs of Evanston (so many trees!! so little to do!!), its finally time to say farewell to Life in The Burbs and move back to civilization.  Yep, in 3 weeks, I will be loading all my shit up into a moving truck (again) and heading into the city, where a lovely 3-bedroom duplex in Wicker Park awaits me!   Yes!  3 bedrooms!! (count’em!)  AND a family room!!   AND a rooftop deck all of my very own on top of my garage!!  So, dearest blogwatchers, PLENTY of room for guests and random stop-overs, so get your asses over to come visit me stat!  

The only time that Chez Holloway will be booked up this summer is for 3 weeks in August when I already have special VIP guests booked in to come and see me – the Family Clan is heading State-side!!  Yep, Loopy, Mumsie, Thomas and Eren are coming en masse to rock Chicago’s world for a full 3 weeks – and I couldn’t be more excited!!  Summer in the city is pretty amazing anyway, but to have my family around me while we explore all the delights of the Windy City In The Sun Rather than The Freezing Ass Cold to is going to be even more amazing still.  Dad is being a trooper and is staying in Cyprus to take care of the Million Cats and Dogs And Mumsie Gym while the gang is away – thanks, Dad!!   So, lots of fun will be had by all – not sure yet what we will do while they are here – I’m sure we’ll do the usual touristy stuff like the Bean and a river cruise or two, perhaps a science museum here or there or a street festival – but mainly I’m looking forward to just having my peeps close for 3 weeks, enjoying hanging out after work on the roofdeck, doing some grilling and chillin’.   Summer perfection.

What else? - oh yes!  My trip to Machu Picchu draws ever closer!  Its 6 weeks today (eek!) and I'm still no way fit enough and ready yet!!  Here's the itinerary of the trip that me and my mate Lisa will be doing - assuming I have enough strength at the end of the day to lift my digits enough to type, this trip should make for some truly spectacular blogging.  I'm even treating myself to a new camera to make sure I get some kick-ass photos (actually, Dad, you're treating me - its my combo Christmas and bday pressie, so thank you!!).    http://mountainlodgesofperu.com/trekking.html

As you read through the itinerary, you'll notice one of the days ("the big one") reaches the unbelievably dizzying heights of 15,000ft!!  (this is the day we go over the Saltankay pass itself).  Needless to say, its marked as "strenuous" - and this, dear blogwatchers, is one of the other reasons I said yes to the half marathon in July - I need to train my ass off to get ready for this!!  I am quite a bit terrified - but the reviews of everyone who has ever gone on this trip (and survived, I guess) has said it was the best trip of their lives, so I'm hoping it will all be worth it in the end.

Anyway, that's it for tonight - next up, men in white overalls doing strange things to the Chicago river.