A ghoulishly good time in Edinburgh!!

Well, we certainly packed a lot in!!  We only had 2 days in Edinburgh - but I think we made the most of our time here.  It has, for me at least, been one of the highlights of the trip.  I visited Edinburgh once before, many years ago, and I remembered it as a glorious city from then - but my memories had faded as to just how visually stunning and absolutely beautiful Edinburgh is.  I would definitely rank it in the Top 5 of my favorite cities in the world.  So - if you haven't ever been and you get the chance, go!

So, our first day in Edinburgh started with us being picked up by Grant, our private transfer driver who would take us to our hotel.  Like in Knightsbridge, our travel agent had found us a little mews cottage, attached to a hotel, which had enough space so that everyone could have a bit of privacy and sanity would be preserved.  There was a bit of jostling amongst the Squids as to who would take the 2nd bedroom vs the bed in the lounge option, but they sorted it out in the end without too much bloodshed or tears, so that was OK.  Peace restored.

Local wall art in the men's loos (and no - I didn't
take this pic - ManpanionTM did!)

We were staying at The Howard Hotel http://www.thehoward.com/- a charming place that was fairly centrally located (although we did find ourselves taking cabs quite a bit due to the lung-crushingly steep - and ubiqitous - hills!).  One of the most wonderful things about the Howard, however, (other than its location) was its offering of a full suite of butler services!  Here's the fabulous blurb from their website, just to give you an idea - I guarantee by the time you finish reading this that you will already be making up all sorts of additional kinds of butler service in your heads:

BUTLER SERVICE

All of the butlers of our 5 star Edinburgh Hotel have been trained in the art of packing and unpacking your luggage, making sure that all of your clothes are stored appropriately for your stay. During the unpacking process they will even take items away for pressing if they think it is needed. So why not make the most of your time in Edinburgh and leave the hard work up to us!

Packing up at the end of a relaxing break can really undo all of the time you have spent de-stressing during your stay! Just give us a little notice and we will be happy to pack up your bags before your departure allowing you a little extra time to relax.

Pressing

One of the most popular butler services at our Edinburgh townhouse hotel! Let us iron your shirts or steam your delicate items of evening wear before you go out. All we ask is that you give us a little notice! Why not leave items required for the next day on your bed in the evening we will pick them up during turndown service and return them the next morning. If you do need something in a hurry just call down by pressing ‘0’ on your phone.

The butlers of our 5 star hotel in Edinburgh have received military training in polishing shoes; we guarantee they will gleam when we return them. Leave them outside your door in the evening or alternatively during turndown and we will return them looking good as new.

Shopping

Looking for the perfect gift for a loved one or friend but just don’t have the time to go out and get it? Why not entrust the Howard hotel butlers to look after this for you, we will arrange for the gift to be in your bedroom, gift wrapped when you return. Or if you would like suggestions for an original gift or perhaps where to purchase something one off and unique – please just ask!

Alternatively if you prefer to do the shopping yourself why not let the butler take the strain of the bags and arrange for him to collect them whilst you enjoy a drink and relax at our luxury 5 star Edinburgh hotel after a hard day!

From designer, high street & vintage clothes shops to antiques and collectibles, Edinburgh has a range of shops tucked away to suit all tastes and budgets, just let the butler know what you’re looking for and we will point you in the right direction.

Refreshment Service

In our bedrooms you may have noticed a lack of tea and coffee making facilities and a mini bar, these 2 corporate hotel standards are the butlers worst enemy which is why we chose to do things differently at The Howard! Should you wish a pot of tea or perhaps something a little stronger, why do it yourself when the butler is here to look after you! Unlike most luxury hotels in Edinburgh there is no additional premium for providing a beverage service to your bedroom. Enjoy complimentary loose leaf tea or freshly ground coffee and warm milk in your bedroom whenever you wish simply dial ‘0’ or mention it to the butler!

Morning Wake Up Beverage Service

Ease your way into the day gently; allow your butler to wake you up with a morning newspaper and cup of freshly brewed tea or coffee. To arrange your preferred choice of beverage and newspaper simply call down on ‘0’ or let a member of the butler team at Hotel the Howard know.

In Suite Drinks Receptions

Rather than struggle up to George Street to find an Edinburgh bar for a drink before dinner with friends why not let the butler organise a drinks reception in your suite, or if our private events room is free you could of course use this for larger gatherings. One of our butlers will be on hand to serve drinks throughout the reception making sure all your guests are looked after. We also arrange canapés and nibbles if required.

In Room Dining

The ideal way to spend an intimate evening together, let the butler create a romantic atmosphere in your own Edinburgh suite with candles, music and your own dining table complete with silver settings and crisp linen. Select a three course meal from our restaurant menu and let your butler serve this course by course in the comfort of your room. Why come to the restaurant in Edinburgh when we can bring the restaurant to you! For those extra special occasions why not let us organise your own harpist or string duo for an evening you won’t forget.

Private Whisky Tasting

Let us take you on a journey of the main Malt Whisky regions whilst you relax in the comfort of the drawing room. The butlers at Hotel the Howard would be delighted to offer you an insight in to the world of Scottish Malt whisky and talk you through some of the delights from our extensive range. Private tastings are by arrangement however please do feel free to consult one of the team if you would simply like us to suggest a malt for you to enjoy.

Personal Shopping

Whilst our butlers would be happy to pick up individual items for you, if you prefer to do the shopping yourself but would like some expert help, the butlers of Hotel the Howard can arrange personal shopping appointments at all of the following stores:

Belinda Robertson Cashmere

Harvey Nicholls

Jenners

The Bath Butler

Let the butler run a nice hot bath in your Edinburgh hotel room for you to soak in after a hard day, select your favourite bath essence or foam from our menu, let the butler arrange a nice glass of wine and some candles for you, then all you have to do is simply relax.

Sewing And Minor Clothing Repairs

Missing a button or require a stitch put in a garment? The butlers of the Howard Edinburgh would be happy to attend to any minor repairs you may have. Should the repair require a little more attention we will arrange for it to be taken to the tailor and returned on the same day. (a small fee may be payable depending on the repair)

Executive Service

Travelling regularly to the Howard? Avoid unnecessary delays by having to check in a bag. Leave a small bag of essentials with us and the butlers will ensure that these are in your room for your next arrival. We will even ensure new supplies are purchased for you if we think you are running out of something. Or if you have left something behind just contact the butler who will have a replacement item brought to your room as quickly as possible, whether it is a pair of cufflinks, bow tie or replacement tights, the butlers box of treasures aims to eliminate the last minute panic.

Enthusiastic carpeting and wallpaper decor in
the Howard Hotel.  Groovy, baby.

See??  Impressive, huh??  Now I'm sure you are also wondering, from the dizzying array of services listed above, just which ones we chose to avail ourselves of?  Well, alas, due to the short amount of time we had, relatively few although we did have some coffee & tea sent down to us soon after we checked in.  We also had the "Help! The Tumble Dryer Doesn't Work" Butler and the "We Can't Figure Out The Thermostat and We're Bloody Freezing" butler stop round on our 1st day.  We saved the "We're Slightly Inebriated And Really Should Go To Bed But Are Going to Make Poor Life Choices Right Now and Have One More Glass of Sauvignon Blanc" butler for our last night.  He was champion.

Anyway, unlike in London, this time we really had booked our room from the night beforehand so it was available for check-in as soon as we arrived - huzzah!  Unfortunately, due to the late arrival of the train, we were too late for breakfast so, instead, everyone decided to get a bit of rest before heading out for lunch.  I hadn't slept very well on the Unsleepy Train, so it was good to catch a few zzz's (even though our room was like an ice-box!).  A couple of hours later, we were all up and ravenously hungry, so we caught a cab and headed into the Old Town.

But at least the light fixtures were happy!

I think its probably impossible to get bored looking at the Edinburgh skyline.  We certainly all had goggle eyes, just gazing in rapt admiration for the beauty of the city.  G.Squid really felt as if she'd woken up in a real life Hogwarts!  (when you look at the pics from the post, you'll see why - make sure to click on them to view them in a bigger size).  Our driver from this morning, Grant, had been excellent and had pointed out certain landmarks and points of interest during our short transfer to the hotel.  He'd also given me a long list of places to go to for food so we were taking him up on one of his reccos - one of the oldest gastro-pubs in Edinburgh, built in the 17th century, called The Doric http://www.the-doric.com/

It was as you would expect - old and creaky on the inside, with lots of atmosphere and full of "characters".  The chap who was looking after our table was very friendly and, again, gave us recommendations of how to spend our time - what to go and see and do.  So far, everyone has been exceptionally friendly - even the cabbies who start to chat to us and only I'm able to just about make out what they are saying.  ManpanionTM and the Squids have no chance of translating the accent!!  So we stuffed our faces with good traditional pub fare (of which there has been quite a lot on this trip - I'm really not looking forward to stepping on the scales when I get home) by which time it was about 2.30pm.  As it gets dark, still, at just after 4pm, we decided that we'd better get our arses moving and go to see the Castle - so we waddled out of the tavern and hufflepuffed our way up the (YUGE) hill to the Castle.    We just about had enough time to see the main sights, so we bought tickets from the (once again very nice and friendly) lady and headed in.

And - again - wow.  What an incredible view of the city below from our vantage point.   And, as the afternoon drew on, there was about 20mins where the light from the setting sun turned the stone walls and buildings a brilliant golden color - it was breathtaking.  (I know, I know - there are a lot of superlatives in this blog - but it was fooking gorgeous).  The Castle itself isn't actually all that big - not as big as Windsor Castle, so we had enough time to run around and see the highlights.  We spent some time in the Great Hall and the National War Museum (very poignant), as well as horsing about with Mons Meg (the mahoosive seige cannon from the 15th century) and visiting the Scottish Crown Jewels and the historic Stone of Destiny.  If you'd like to learn more about Edinburgh castle, here's a link - http://www.edinburghcastle.gov.uk/ - unfortunately, we didn't have enough time to do the audio walking tour, so I'm afraid I don't have any good anecdotes to share with you this time.  But I do have some kick ass photos, so I hope you enjoy those!

Quick!  Run!!  Navigating the portcullis
entry to Edinburgh Castle

One of the first views across the city - you can see the holiday
Ferris wheel, Princes Street and the Gardens

View towards the Governor's House

I think this is the Scottish National War Museum building.

Imposing clock tower where the Crown Jewels
are kept

OK - don't quote me, but I think this might be King James IV in
1494 receiving the Sceptre and being bestowed king

I'm not sure what this is.
I think it might be Medieval Conkers and  he's
got a three-er.

This is either the Baby Jesus or its the young Queen
Mary Queen of Scots being hidden away 

Stunning sunset 

Cannon fodder

ManpanionTM and his impressive shaft

B.Squid gets in on the action

The impressive siege busting cannon, Mons Meg.

Plus ManpanionTM....

.....looking for his balls

Found them!  Fondly reunited with his massive balls.

Gorgeous sunset

View across the Castle grounds

Inside the Great Hall

Wherever you go, there's always a tea van somewhere close by...

 So that was a fun couple of hours!  By this time, it was around 4.30pm and getting pretty dark and a bit chilly, so we wandered down the Royal Mile for a bit, popping into the tweedy souvenir shops and spent a bit of time browsing (the Squids bought a couple of things - I *gasp* didn't buy anything!).  ManpanionTM was starting to eye up some tweed jackets but we couldn't find anything after about an hour, so we decided to head back to the hotel to rest up for a bit ahead of our evening tour at 7pm.
 At 6.30pm, we headed back out to where we'd just been, down on the Royal Mile, to meet up for our 7pm Evening of Ghosts and Ghouls tour.  I'd been looking forward to this and was hoping it would be a better time than the lackluster London Dungeons "experience" - I absolutely wasn't disappointed.  It was phenomenal.  Here's the blurb from Mercat Tours (no, Loopy - not Meerkat - Mercat - olde language for "market"), in case you ever want to retrace our (spooky) steps:

ABOUT THIS TOUR

The night begins with a tour of the darker closes and wynds of Edinburgh, before journeying into the haunted Blair Street Underground Vaults. Finally, we’ll retire to a candlelit cellar for a dram of whisky and an evening of storytelling. 

The air filled with cries and taunts, and a crowd of thousands baying for the blood of two men – snatched from their cells, lynched on a dyer’s pole.

Take your place as a member of the ‘Edinburgh mob’, which once surged in riot past the Mercat Cross. Hear grisly tales of witchcraft, torture and restless spirits as you venture down medieval closes and descend into the haunted Blair Street Underground Vaults. Your cloaked guide will lead you through the dimly lit caverns, filling the night with stories – all of them true.

Stories of blood, guts and gore. And a whisky to warm the heart.

As night thickens, we’ll gather in Megget’s cellar for a whisky – or a glass of lager or soft drink if you’re not fond of a dram. In the warmth of candlelight, your storyteller will conjure more tales of Edinburgh’s ghoulish past, and the tortured souls that stalk the city’s streets.

Now, what made this into an absolutely stellar evening was Simon, our amazing guide, who was a phenomenal storyteller and also very knowledgeable historian.  Unlike the London Dungeon, Simon didn't feel as if he was putting on a show or a performance - you simply felt as if you were in the company of your most interesting friend ever.   With the very first story of how two Englishmen were tortured simply for toasting the King of England (during the time when Oliver Cromwell was in charge  - so bad idea) but one having his tongue pulled out and the other his ear cut off (slowly and in a very gruesome fashion), he had us all completely captivated.  Not an easy task to keep a group of 30 people engaged and - but we were all hanging off his every word.   He described the origin of the phrase "gardyloo" (what people used to shout when chucking the contents of their poo buckets out of the window) with a descriptive "sausages and lemonade" visual.  Thanks, Simon.  

Learning all about the perils of looking up
in medieval Edinburgh

He also told us the rather unfortunate story behind the world's longest ever recorded hanging - poor guy called Robert Johnston was hanged (using new fangled drop hanging system) - but - because the rope was too short -  didn't actually die, but just kinda teetered, choking.  Then the town mob cut him down, but then abandoned him in the gutter when the town "police" came to sort out the ruckus - whereby the "police" scooped him up (still unconscious), took him to a judge whereby a surgeon cut open a vein to see if he was still alive.  He bled, so was judged fit to be hanged, whereby he was then carried - still unconscious - in a chair and promptly hanged again!   Now, that's what you call a bad day..... http://www.executedtoday.com/2010/12/30/1818-robert-johnston-under-horrific-circumstances 

The incomparable Simon demonstrating a little
light torture on our fellow adventurers.
Useful stuff.

The church outside which poor old Robert Johnston
is said to wander.

 After wandering down some more of the narrow passages (called "closes") for which Edinburgh is famous, we then headed underground to the very spooky Blair Street Underground Vaults!  This was absolutely fascinating - a city underneath the city - and which used to be the site of all manner of nefarious goings on.  Of course, Simon told us of the many ghost and spirits which were rumored to haunt these vaults - I'm not really into all that kind of stuff BUT given the location (pitch black apart from one or two very faint lights) plus Simon's very effective storytelling , it was impossible not to feel a bit spooked out!

Spooky as hell vaults beneath the city

Let me tell you a story.....

 After nervously shuffling through the vaults, we ended the tour in Megget's cellar where we could enjoy a dram of whisky to steady the nerves while Simon told us one last story, the tale of Burke and Hare, the infamous "grave robbers" who stole bodies to sell to medical schools (a Dr Knox, to be precise) for the purpose of dissection.  If you want to read the whole story, here's a link, but Simon corrected one of the common misperceptions about Burke and Hare - they never actually robbed any graves.  Instead they resorted to the much easier method of simply murdering their victims.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burke_and_Hare_murders  16 people were estimated to have been murdered by them before they were eventually caught and brought to justice (well, Burke was - and was hanged - Hare confessed first and was granted immunity) - but it did lead directly to the passage of the Anatomy Act of 1832, which made it much easier for bodies to be donated to medical science.

Allegedly, the death mask of Burke

And with that, and some last theatrics of switching off the lights in the tavern until it was pitch black - and then scaring us all with a scream - the tour was over and it was time to return to above ground.  We all headed back to the hotel where ManpanionTM and I dropped off the Squids to crash out (they were tired and still full from lunch) while we went out for dinner, just the two of us.  I'd found a little place just 10mins walk from the hotel (20mins when you factor in my crap directions) and it was a perfect little tapas type place.  Plenty of yummy small plates to try plus a pantheon of local whiskies for ManpanionTM to heroically work his way through.  He managed only two - but it was a good effort, nonetheless.  And with that, we finally wended our weary way home just before midnight - an excellent 24hrs in Edinburgh.  Its a damn shame we only have 1 day left - both in Edinburgh and of our holiday!!  I can't believe its coming to an end already!!!!

Beautiful Christmas lights

Menu or challenge?

These buggers get everywhere

Jeepers, Sleepers!! Taking the midnight train to Edinburgh....

All aboard the midnight train to.... Edinburgh!!  After a simply spectacular day at Hogwarts, we returned to London ready to embark on the next (and last - sob!) part of our adventure!  En route from Victoria back to the hotel, we stopped and had dinner at a spectacular Indian restaurant.   It was seriously good!  If you are ever in South Kensington and fancy an amazing, subtle meal, then I can heartily recommend Thali on the Old Brompton Road (www.thali.uk.com).  The crispy spinach was especially delicious and even convinced a reluctant non-curry loving B.Squid that Indian food can be yummy!

Stuffed and happy, we finally waddled back to the Beaufort Arms for the last time, collected our bags and headed off to Euston Station where we were to catch the Caledonian Sleeper train up to Edinburgh.  We'd booked First Class sleeper accommodation and had 2 sets of 2 adjoining berths assigned to us.  We weren't quite sure how it was all going to work, but we figured we'd get the lay of the land when we boarded the train and sort it all out then.  The train was scheduled to depart at 11.50pm, but you could start to board the train anytime after 10pm, as well as have access to the First Class Virgin lounge prior to boarding.  The lounge wasn't anything that special (basically slightly higher end than a caff with a ton of vinyl seats, but that was it - certainly no First Class Virgins anywhere to be seen (much to ManpanionTM's disappointment).  So we stayed in the lounge only slightly longer than it had taken us to figure out how to find it/get into it (cue comedy lift capers) and long enough to cull some overnight supplies from our luggage, so we could store our main bags when we got on the train.

At around 11pm, we headed down to the platform and were met by a lovely lady who would be looking after us for the evening!  Its always nice when you are met by someone who has a ton of papers on a clipboard - and you are listed on them!  Yey!!  As it happened, it was a very light evening - she told us that she only had 8 people in First Class Sleeper accommodations that night - and we were 4 of them!  She asked us about our breakfast preferences ("highland breakfast, please!") and whether we'd prefer to dine in our berths vs the dining car ("dining car, please!") and, with those formalities done, led us on to the train to show us our beds for the night. 

Where's the James Bond Villan??

Yes.  It did feel as if we'd stepped into an Agatha Cristie novel or James Bond film.  Any minute now, you expected Jaws to come slamming round the corner or to catch a shadowy figure lurking in the corridor.  I've been on the sleeper train once before, many many years ago - that time, I was in a standard class berth - the difference being that they contained 2 beds, rather than just the one.  Other than that, everything was remarkably unchanged from before (I guess there's really not much you can do with a sleeper train to get that creative!) - perhaps the toiletries were also marginally posher too.   The cabins were small but actually laid out pretty well as the interconnecting door between each set of 2 cabins could be closed, thus giving each occupant complete privacy.  (I'm sure the Squids were happy about that!).  

Our lavish quarters

After we'd "unpacked" and got acquainted with our rooms (which did not take long!), we - of course - repaired to the dining car for a round (or two) of drinks and some cards.  The Squids joined us and we first played a quick round of the Hogwarts board game I'd bought earlier on in the day from the Harry Potter studios (I'm such a sucker for a gift shop - i just couldn't resist!).  The idea was to move around the board to various Hogwartian locations and to collect the most house points - I barely made it to 2 locations because someone (you know who you are....) kept sending me back to the start!  Hurrumph.  While we were playing Hogwarts, our train huffed into life and slowly drew out of the station - so we were officially off on the next leg of our adventure!   

The name is More.
Strathmore.

After Hogwarts, we played Euchre for a bit - it was pretty late by this stage (about 1am) so the Squids were dying of exhaustion.  They finally staggered off to bed and ManpanionTM and I stayed up for a bit longer, just chilling out and enjoying the ride (OK, OK - and by "ride" I mean "extensive on-board whisky selection").

After quite the lengthy decision-making process,
ManpanionTM studies his choice of nightcap
whisky, as recommended by our jovial bar steward!

We retired around 2am and I was looking forward to a solid 4 hrs sleep before our wake-up call at 6am (ugh) for breakfast.  I think within 60 seconds of crawling into his nest, ManpanionTM was dead to the world and in deep sleep.   Me, on the other hand - well... not so much.  I'd made the rookie move of not putting in the earplugs and wearing the facemask that had been supplied in our toiletries kit - I thought i was so tired, I wouldn't need them and would simply fall deeply asleep.  Wrong!  I totally underestimated how loud the train was and, unfortunately, the movement of the train served to keep me awake rather than to gently rock me to sleep!  I think i dozed on and off until I woke up again completely at around 4am - by which point, obviously, I needed to get up and have a pee.  I wandered out of my berth to head to the loo - and noticed we weren't moving, but were instead parked up at some random station.  I figured it was some scheduled service stop, so didn't think much of it but instead went about my business, then came back to the berth and this time, put in my earplugs and tried to sleep.

The Sock Monkeys get weird in ManpanionTM's cabin.

Until 6am when our lovely lady knocked (loudly!) on our cabin door to wake us for breakfast - only to then inform us that we were running 2hrs behind schedule as, during the night, we'd gotten stuck behind a broken down freight train.  So, instead of arriving in Edinburgh at 7.30am, unfortunately we wouldn't be arriving until 9.30am.  Which meant an extra 2hrs of sleep!! Hurrah!!  Brekkie was now at 8am, instead of 6am and - for an extra Brucie Bonus, because the delay was just over 2hrs, we were eligible to receive a full refund of our trip!  NICE!!  We get to have a lie-in AND its free??  Yes, please!!   

I think i managed to get about an hour so felt marginally refreshed when it was finally time for our Highland breakfast - and, oh dear - I'm not sure it was really worth the wait!  The tea was good and I enjoyed bits of the breakfast, but ManpanionTM was singularly unimpressed by the entire offering ("worst. breakfast. ever!") and went back to bed in protest.

Breakfast. 

By this stage, it was light outside and we were rolling through some absolutely gorgeous, wide-open expansive scenery.  It reminded me of Patagonia a bit - just the wild countryside and that was it.  As i supped my tea and gazed out of the window, I got chatting to our lovely lady hostess (I wish I could remember her name).  We were talking about the delay, getting stuck behind the freight train and as we stopped again in Carstairs to divide the train in two (front 2 carriages go to Glasgow; the rest to Edinburgh) she told the story of how 2 inmates, back in the 70's, had one time escaped from the Secure Mental Unit in Carstairs and how - allegedly - they had considered trying to board the train during this very stop, to try and escape.  Interesting story - but not perhaps for the faint of heart, given I could look out of the window and see the prison right there in front of me!!  Its a bit of a gruesome story, actually - if you are interested, here are the salacious details....  https://www.sundaypost.com/inside-the-sunday-edition/inside-carstairs-robert-mone-exposes-full-horror-of-escape-night-killing-spree/

The morning after.

The Secure Mental Unit at Berwick.  Some
seriously dangerous people in there.

And so, finally, we started to leave the hills and countryside behind and roll into Edinburgh itself.  And, then, all of a sudden - there it was - the absolutely beautiful vista of Edinburgh Castle and the Scottish Parliament building, high up on the hill overlooking the valley and the train line.

We had arrived.

Not the sleeper train.